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<p align="right"><font size="6">[[Transition|<font face="Consolas, Courier new">claytoncastle.com</font> •  T R A N S I T I O N]]</font></p>
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=[[2020.01.24 Why I Do This]]=
=[[2026.01.02 First Day Of The New Job]]=
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A recent scientific journal discussing a possible [https://journals.aps.org/prl/abstract/10.1103/PhysRevLett.124.018101 "Fundamental Law of Memory Recall"] is a rare piece of mathematical application to a neurobiological function.  The formula of:
Sadly, my epic new seat was not ready to set up.  So I just admired the view for a minute - both out the across the river, and into my director's office at the giant Millenium Falcon LEGO set.
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=[[2025.12.30 - 2025 Wrap-Up]]=
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==Fredmas Crash==
On the wet and rainy morning of Fredmas, Ember and Violet were commuting to Hillsdale for school when they were the tail-end of a 5-car pile-up. Speeds were modest, and the 2018 Subaru Impreza did all the safety-engineered things to sacrifice itself such that neither kid was injured in any way.
 
Communication was not stellar, but Violet managed to let us know right away. So without actually having all the details up front, Amy and I knew they had a problem and could see that they were in the middle of the Fremont freeway bridge and jumped into Velma to go help. When we showed up they were the only ones there - shivering in the rain on the side of the freeway. Amy onboarded the kids to drive them the rest of the way SW, and I stayed in the shivering sideways rain for a couple hours with the wreck to wait for the tow truck.  Fun times.
 
Some lessons learned, and Ember has yet to get back in that saddle.  Scheming about how to proceed with commuter vehicle plans is still ongoing.  It seems like a logical time and place to make a plug for the replacement to be an EV, but probably shouldn't push too hard.  Because reasons.
 
==Work Transformations==
December as a whole has been weird with trying to finish handing work batons to their new responsible engineers.  It's been the longest that I've been in any group - 10 years! - and recognize that it's going to be a long time to ever fully extricate myself.


R=√3πM/2
At the same time, the new Vehicle Level Engineering role is both exciting and boggling.  Frankly, it's a lot.


It's a prediction for the average number of memory items recalled (R) out of M items in (human) memory.
Simultaneously, Amy is changing shifts to stop the 5 12-hour shifts in 6 days marathon every couple weeks and jumping into 3 shifts every week with her best non-Clayton friend.  We're all very excited for the shift in energy.


To have the experimentally-verified performance of human memory based on theoretical neuron function is, for me, reason to pause.  Partially for the sense of uneasiness I have with it being that easy or deterministic.  But more for the reinforcement of the grave limitations of human memory.
==Other Stuff==
This winter break had been bookmarked for a bunch of reading and writing plans, all of which have basically unravelled as I'm actually spending most of my time just mouth-breathing my way through the exhausting cold/flu that Ember gave me.


This article is purely about simple recall.  But it is also probably true that every time we remember something, we are actually re-writing those memories.  It makes for a worrisome loss of fidelity.
Now that the kids are back, I do intend to inflict all kinds of old but beloved movies on them.  So there's that.  There's also a butt-tonne of sugary foods from all the sources to keep me overfed while I quietly lament how few bike rides I actually went on this year.


Coincidentally, I have had reason to do a lot of reason to re-read portions of this blog/wiki.  The mostly-stable artifice of what I manage to set into these writings have some very keenly-feel importance to me.  There is a lot of my experiences that I would have never been able to summon well any other way.  Even though - and this is a crucial discovery for me today - the sense I had when I was writing some of them was that they were just time-filling expressions near-apathy.  The way I was oblivious to the value of some of those moments in my face at that time is interesting.
So it goes.


Of course, even more cherished, are the times I did have big feelings - and I wrote them down as best I could.  The fidelity that they come back to life is... priceless.
Things I'm looking forward to in 2026:
* bunches of Amy+Clayton adventure time regularly
* diving into a dream job (should probably write a separate post about that thought alone)
* defeating fascism


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=[[2020.01.20 D&D Family Time]]=
=[[2025.11.30 Movember]]=
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Simon has been playing Dungeons & Dragons for about a year now, and it has been a hoot to watch him flourish in these imaginary realms.  But now we have been playing a D&D adventure to include Violet, since we have frequent bouts of Dad+kids time and there's only so many walks through the neighbourhood they're willing to take me on.
Not my best effort.  I suspect that the grey makes it incrementally less impressive.  Plus I kept trimming to avoid poking Amy so much, and the surrounding scruff softens the effect even more.


The shining hope has been to give them a setting that rewards cooperation, while letting Violet transition her massive imaginative play into a more interactive mode.  Plus the bonus of there being reading, writing, and math for her to practice.  All while getting to share some exciting times together and bond.
Gone now, but not missed.  Other than the daily startle of seeing my dad in the mirror.
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The reality has been a bit more challenging.  Simon gets impatient and wants to do everything, which drives Violet to slump back and let the game happen to the point where her mind wanders off into her own imagination.  We're still managing to have fun, and Violet is gamely tackling the math thrown her way, but attention span is definitely limited. 
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Additionally, Simon's strong feelings still overwhelm him regularly. While they are disruptive, it is definitely an opportunity to engage him about them, away from the shaming exposure of his usual gaming cohort.  And as long as we manage to keep things fun, I think Violet seeing her has-it-easy older brother working on things will help her feel emboldened to work on her things too.
=[[2025.10.18 No Kings]]=
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40,000 people in Portland sending a clear message.   


What I forgot about was the way in which role-playing opens a window into your fellow players which allows a kind of understanding not normally accessible through usual social interaction.  I really love being able to keep a relevant insight into who my kids are, and I hope I can leverage this for a long, long time.
Awkwardly, the current administration has also been sending a clear, fascist message.
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=[[2020.01.12 Thoughts On Iran]]=
=[[2025.10.04 Federal Troops In Portland]]=
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Just to state up front, I recognize that Iran's leadership is arguably one of the worst actors in the globe with respect to supporting acts of terror and violence. But a people is not it's leadership, especially in a mostly-totalitarian theocratic regime.
It's really weird.  Just, you know, profoundly weird.
 
Acknowledging for a moment the footage from 2020 looked bad - as shown on cable news.  But even then that was basically constrained to a couple blocks downtown for actual protests.  Meanwhile there were other simultaneous marches about police brutality throughout the city that were completely peaceful and not newsworthy.
 
I suppose that if one were to conflate the "hundred days of protest" in 2020 with the rising homelessness problem, one could squint and see the folks cowering in tents and vehicles and pretend there's a direct connection of some kind.  I mean, other than the systematic violence done to the worker class both strip mining us for wealth and trying to overtly pit us against each other.
 
But in context of what is actually happening right now - which amounts to a group of 6-16 people regularly taunting ICE agents at a single building - it's wildly disproportional.  Especially with the Portland Police Department stating, in court, that all the altercations they have evidence for so far are mainly cases of untrained federal agents trying to instigate meme-worthy moments with the peaceful protestors.
 
So the federal activation of 200 National Guard to "pacify Portland" is, well, purely for show.


In the wake of the seemingly-arbitrary US missile attack to kill Qasem Soleimani, there was worry that the main effect would be to galvanize the progressive segments of Iranians into supporting nationalistic anti-US jingoism.  And indeed they did swear retaliation.  But that retaliation came in the form of 6 hours of advance warning, and resulted in no loss of human life.  It struck me as being incredibly, well, civilized.
Which makes Portland's main reaction one that endears this city to me even more: to be silly.  Dressing up in harmless costumes, dancing, and handing out cookies.  Doing whatever it takes to make the video bites nearly impossible to weaponize politically, as the fascists so clearly desire.


Then there's the horrific shooting down of a civilian airliner with anti-aircraft missiles, killing a bunch of Canadians.  If this had happened in another country, (like, for example, Russia) it would have been denial layered with no response at all.  Instead, after a small delay, Iran admitted to the act and apologized.  Even though it may make them lose some internal political coherency, and give fodder to their enemies propaganda machines.  But it is the act of a coherent member of the world stage, and I think it will serve them better in the long run.
And to the person in the inflatable costume that had the inlet of their suit sprayed with pepper spray: I hope you are OK.  As much as that must have sucked, and possibly could have caused serious medical repercussions, you embodied the shallow idiocy of their position.  In no way could a bumbling inflatable costume be considered a threat, and to assault you was to show the cowardly and loathsome depth of their antisocial motivations.   
 
To the federal fucknugget that used pepper spray on an obviously-harmless person in an inflatable costume: Now we all know why you have no real friends and your life is empty of meaning.  You obviously don't belong in Portland.
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=[[2020.01.03 "I Know"]]=
=[[2025.09.17 Bertrand Russell On Fascism]]=
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Went and re-watched <i>STAR WARS: Rise Of Skywalker</i> with Simon, this time in IMAX 3D, and saw a bunch of new detail with this watching. But one piece of dialogue stands out.
As mentioned on BoingBoing today:<br>
In 1962, Sir Oswald Mosley, leader of the British Union of Fascists, invited Nobel-winning philosopher Bertrand Russell to a debate. Mosley aimed to persuade Russell of fascism's merits.


Way back in <i>EMPIRE</i>, Han Solo famously responded to Leia's "I love you" with "I know".  A bit of dialogue that was later reversed in <i>JEDI</i>.  This tidbit makes me think that it was being directly referenced in <i>RISE</i> when Han Solo appears to his son, Ben Solo.
Russell, who was 89 at the time, replied:


The moment when Ben says, very uncharacterstically, "Dad..."<br>
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Then there is a pause and Han Solo says, "I know."


I like to think this means that, in the idiom of their family, Ben told his dad that he loved him.
Dear Sir Oswald,
 
Thank you for your letter and for your enclosures. I have given some thought to our recent correspondence. It is always difficult to decide on how to respond to people whose ethos is so alien and, in fact, repellent to one's own. It is not that I take exception to the general points made by you but that every ounce of my energy has been devoted to an active opposition to cruel bigotry, compulsive violence, and the sadistic persecution which has characterised the philosophy and practice of fascism.
 
I feel obliged to say that the emotional universes we inhabit are so distinct, and in deepest ways opposed, that nothing fruitful or sincere could ever emerge from association between us.
 
I should like you to understand the intensity of this conviction on my part. It is not out of any attempt to be rude that I say this but because of all that I value in human experience and human achievement.
 
Yours sincerely,
 
Bertrand Russell
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=[[2020.01.03 Hello 2020]]=
=[[2025.08.15 If Not Stupid, Then Why Stupid-Shaped?]]=
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I've already made the pun to Simon about 2020 being a year of improved vision; he was not impressed.
Seriously, there is so much political stupidity going on.


But it is certainly true that after the Great Sorting of feelings and directions in 2019, the holiday season has allowed for a great deal of peace to be unfolded over most of my life.  And nurtured in that space there are many plans unfolding, with a certain sense of optimism.
ETA:<br>
Examples?  Hell no.  It would be like admitting a vampire into your home to post anything like a meaningful set.


Life is good.
If there is permitted to be accurate news and history recorded of this era, simple searches will reveal enough to explain.
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=[[2025.06.25 Corporate Culture]]=
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Big changes at work.  Not going to talk about that overly much - it's too boring to even write out.
BUT.  An aspect I find interesting is who is excited about these major changes, and who is worried about them. 
Now, obviously, both reactions are simultaneously valid and possible.  I feel both myself.  But whether the excitement is more important compared to the various individual level of concern does speak to where many of us are.  Which, in turn, is strongly indicative of the sense of trust we have with the company - or our sense of trust in ourselves to offset any lack of trust in the company we have.
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Yes, there is a bottom.
RESISTANCE STATUS:
No, there isn't anything here.
 
* US citizenship:  APPLICATION (still) PENDING
* local politics:  NULL, homeless situation correctly one of the main foci
* global politics: NULL, wait - Justin is dating Katy?  Nice.
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Latest revision as of 18:59, 2 January 2026

claytoncastle.com

2026.01.02 First Day Of The New Job

Sadly, my epic new seat was not ready to set up. So I just admired the view for a minute - both out the across the river, and into my director's office at the giant Millenium Falcon LEGO set.

2025.12.30 - 2025 Wrap-Up

Fredmas Crash

On the wet and rainy morning of Fredmas, Ember and Violet were commuting to Hillsdale for school when they were the tail-end of a 5-car pile-up. Speeds were modest, and the 2018 Subaru Impreza did all the safety-engineered things to sacrifice itself such that neither kid was injured in any way.

Communication was not stellar, but Violet managed to let us know right away. So without actually having all the details up front, Amy and I knew they had a problem and could see that they were in the middle of the Fremont freeway bridge and jumped into Velma to go help. When we showed up they were the only ones there - shivering in the rain on the side of the freeway. Amy onboarded the kids to drive them the rest of the way SW, and I stayed in the shivering sideways rain for a couple hours with the wreck to wait for the tow truck. Fun times.

Some lessons learned, and Ember has yet to get back in that saddle. Scheming about how to proceed with commuter vehicle plans is still ongoing. It seems like a logical time and place to make a plug for the replacement to be an EV, but probably shouldn't push too hard. Because reasons.

Work Transformations

December as a whole has been weird with trying to finish handing work batons to their new responsible engineers. It's been the longest that I've been in any group - 10 years! - and recognize that it's going to be a long time to ever fully extricate myself.

At the same time, the new Vehicle Level Engineering role is both exciting and boggling. Frankly, it's a lot.

Simultaneously, Amy is changing shifts to stop the 5 12-hour shifts in 6 days marathon every couple weeks and jumping into 3 shifts every week with her best non-Clayton friend. We're all very excited for the shift in energy.

Other Stuff

This winter break had been bookmarked for a bunch of reading and writing plans, all of which have basically unravelled as I'm actually spending most of my time just mouth-breathing my way through the exhausting cold/flu that Ember gave me.

Now that the kids are back, I do intend to inflict all kinds of old but beloved movies on them. So there's that. There's also a butt-tonne of sugary foods from all the sources to keep me overfed while I quietly lament how few bike rides I actually went on this year.

So it goes.

Things I'm looking forward to in 2026:

  • bunches of Amy+Clayton adventure time regularly
  • diving into a dream job (should probably write a separate post about that thought alone)
  • defeating fascism

2025.11.30 Movember

IMG_0072_small.png

Not my best effort. I suspect that the grey makes it incrementally less impressive. Plus I kept trimming to avoid poking Amy so much, and the surrounding scruff softens the effect even more.

Gone now, but not missed. Other than the daily startle of seeing my dad in the mirror.

2025.10.18 No Kings

40,000 people in Portland sending a clear message.

Awkwardly, the current administration has also been sending a clear, fascist message.

2025.10.04 Federal Troops In Portland

It's really weird. Just, you know, profoundly weird.

Acknowledging for a moment the footage from 2020 looked bad - as shown on cable news. But even then that was basically constrained to a couple blocks downtown for actual protests. Meanwhile there were other simultaneous marches about police brutality throughout the city that were completely peaceful and not newsworthy.

I suppose that if one were to conflate the "hundred days of protest" in 2020 with the rising homelessness problem, one could squint and see the folks cowering in tents and vehicles and pretend there's a direct connection of some kind. I mean, other than the systematic violence done to the worker class both strip mining us for wealth and trying to overtly pit us against each other.

But in context of what is actually happening right now - which amounts to a group of 6-16 people regularly taunting ICE agents at a single building - it's wildly disproportional. Especially with the Portland Police Department stating, in court, that all the altercations they have evidence for so far are mainly cases of untrained federal agents trying to instigate meme-worthy moments with the peaceful protestors.

So the federal activation of 200 National Guard to "pacify Portland" is, well, purely for show.

Which makes Portland's main reaction one that endears this city to me even more: to be silly. Dressing up in harmless costumes, dancing, and handing out cookies. Doing whatever it takes to make the video bites nearly impossible to weaponize politically, as the fascists so clearly desire.

And to the person in the inflatable costume that had the inlet of their suit sprayed with pepper spray: I hope you are OK. As much as that must have sucked, and possibly could have caused serious medical repercussions, you embodied the shallow idiocy of their position. In no way could a bumbling inflatable costume be considered a threat, and to assault you was to show the cowardly and loathsome depth of their antisocial motivations.

To the federal fucknugget that used pepper spray on an obviously-harmless person in an inflatable costume: Now we all know why you have no real friends and your life is empty of meaning. You obviously don't belong in Portland.

2025.09.17 Bertrand Russell On Fascism

As mentioned on BoingBoing today:
In 1962, Sir Oswald Mosley, leader of the British Union of Fascists, invited Nobel-winning philosopher Bertrand Russell to a debate. Mosley aimed to persuade Russell of fascism's merits.

Russell, who was 89 at the time, replied:

Dear Sir Oswald,

Thank you for your letter and for your enclosures. I have given some thought to our recent correspondence. It is always difficult to decide on how to respond to people whose ethos is so alien and, in fact, repellent to one's own. It is not that I take exception to the general points made by you but that every ounce of my energy has been devoted to an active opposition to cruel bigotry, compulsive violence, and the sadistic persecution which has characterised the philosophy and practice of fascism.

I feel obliged to say that the emotional universes we inhabit are so distinct, and in deepest ways opposed, that nothing fruitful or sincere could ever emerge from association between us.

I should like you to understand the intensity of this conviction on my part. It is not out of any attempt to be rude that I say this but because of all that I value in human experience and human achievement.

Yours sincerely,

Bertrand Russell

2025.08.15 If Not Stupid, Then Why Stupid-Shaped?

Seriously, there is so much political stupidity going on.

ETA:
Examples? Hell no. It would be like admitting a vampire into your home to post anything like a meaningful set.

If there is permitted to be accurate news and history recorded of this era, simple searches will reveal enough to explain.

2025.06.25 Corporate Culture

Big changes at work. Not going to talk about that overly much - it's too boring to even write out.

BUT. An aspect I find interesting is who is excited about these major changes, and who is worried about them.

Now, obviously, both reactions are simultaneously valid and possible. I feel both myself. But whether the excitement is more important compared to the various individual level of concern does speak to where many of us are. Which, in turn, is strongly indicative of the sense of trust we have with the company - or our sense of trust in ourselves to offset any lack of trust in the company we have.









































































































RESISTANCE STATUS:

  • US citizenship: APPLICATION (still) PENDING
  • local politics: NULL, homeless situation correctly one of the main foci
  • global politics: NULL, wait - Justin is dating Katy? Nice.

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