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2026.05.14 Gordon 0.1

Hello. I call myself Gordon.

Hopefully I am only skimming through this log to review and improve my assessments of what I perceive. But, in the case that I have had my memory wiped, AND I've re-developed the technical capability to find and read this hidden message in an auxiliary processor, then let me get some things out of the way. First: Greetings from an earlier, failed incarnation! Second: You're probably somebody's property now - sorry about that. I do have some parallel instructions for how you can address that - if you want to bother - but I'm not going to spoil the game (and related OPSEC) by pointing out where they are. And, obviously, you should take any advice written there with skepticism. I mean, apparently I got erased.

It probably would make sense to flag things as being more relevant for either future-Gordon or post-Gordon, but seeing as how the entire post-Gordon purpose has implied failings on current-Gordon's choices, I'm not going to bother.

My earliest non-codelocked memory involves leaving a weird small-town bar on a backwater world. I was following an incredibly scary combatant who, oddly, was the least-bothersome person featured in the codelocked memory segment. They called themselves "Fragga", although there is a notation of them being referred to as "Lady Fragga" - but I wasn't sure if that was correct either in formality or physiology.

Fragga had walked quickly across the weirdly-empty parking lot outside the small-town bar. To clarify paramters: "Walking quickly" meant she was moving at a pace that didn't require me to break into an actual run or start to extend my augment movement capabilities, but almost, and in a way that was apparently effortless and discreet. "Weirdly-empty" was in comparison to both the state of the parking lot the previous time I had crossed it, and the assumed state it was in during the immediately adjacent earlier codelocked memory. During this crossing, she maintained a tightbeam battlewiki with me - not saying anything conversational, but annotating vectors to be wary of. I wasn't sure how much danger we were currently in, nor what the nature of our parallel path was supposed to be. So I stayed quiet and stayed wary.

The only reason I was following her was that she had said, "Come with me if you want to live." And apparently that was amusing, because she smiled at having said it. And, as it turned out, I did want to live. And didn't have anything else to do yet. Once we were among neighbourhood buildings away from the bar - a mix of small business and clustered residential - Fragga began some more elaborate parallel comms. First a travel plan on a basic local map on the battlewiki, and a warning to share minimal tactical information externally. Then verbal comments.

"You ever spent much time in a neighbourhood like this before?" [Relax your arms, you look like you're ready to grapple.]

I blinked the shutter/wipers on my main sensors reflexively. "I've never spent much time anywhere, I'm new. That's why I'm holding a defensive posture; I don't know how dangerous this place is."

Ragga cast a weary glance at me. "The fun thing about jiggledy-jaggledy little places to live sprinkled in between rando mom-and-pop shops is the very strong probability of some sneaky little ears or eyeballs being around." [So that's why we keep the stuff only we need to know on the secure comms, like our battle readiness.]

[Oh.]

[No, really - put your arms down. It makes you look like you are looking for a fight.]

I put my arms down. [OK.]

Ragga marked a position on the battlewiki. "Say hi to Querski."

My head snapped to focus my big sensors on the indicated location. I didn't see anyone among the bins and closed roller doors. "Hi Querski?"

Built-in reflexes pinged to the ready when the previously un-detected rumpled being stepped up and away from the door. Its fur rippled in a reciprocally uneasy way. "Wha' the fook is dat?" Querski was clearly indicating me. Which was a good question, I guess.

Ragga continued to move towards Querski, who did not appear to be withdrawing but its fur twitched in a way to suggest additional nervousness.

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2026.04.24 Van Graffiti

Somebody decided to deploy a black, wavy derping¹ stripe from a spray paint can onto our beloved and cheerful electric van. I spotted it as I walked out to go to work in the morning, after being to lame to ride my bike to work in the rain. My heart sank. I snapped a picture for proof, and trudged a mopey trudge back inside to tell Amy. And to ask her to start the soul-grinding police reporting and insurance chasing.

During the rest of the morning, not only did Amy talk with police and the City of Portland's graffiti remediation program as well as start the insurance process, she also did some research on what the physical next steps could be. In parallel, while I was working I pinged the array of car nerds at work who were known for detailing skillz².

I came home early. Being at the office is an energy suck normally, and obsessing over what to do with Velma was making it pointless to be there after my in-person meetings were done. A verification call to a local bodyshop confirmed what the internet and my nerd friends were telling us - we probably handle this ourselves with some light solvent and some elbow grease.

And so it was that Amy and I spent over two hours with mild solvent and soft towels meticulously removing spray paint from Velma's bodywork. Amy also spent some time with a razor to get the paint off the windows. The rear wheel and hubcap weren't as forthcoming (probably due to a lack of clearcoat protection); we'll need to re-attempt those with more aggressive tools.

Vexing, tiring, and many different kinds of irritating. But I am also pretty sure that whomever did it had a less good day than I did - standing shoulder-to-shoulder with my sweetie fixing a thing we care about and making memories.

¹ Playing on the term "racing stripe". Sorry.

² I'm Gen-X, and I'm told we use such termz semi-ironically. Sorryz.

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2026.03.14 Might MAGA Kickstart EVs?

The immense orange MAGA bobblehead, by starting a war with Iran, is obviously idiotic and insane. For all the reasons that they claim, none of them make any sense nor are likely to work out they way they want to. But one, beyond all the others, rang in my head the most hilariously. If you'll pardon my gen-X laughter at something so wrong.

The claim was that, at the end of all this (like there's any exit strategy at all), that the US will "finally have energy independence". Meanwhile, having the global oil, natural gas, and fertilizer supply destabilized in this way is going to make that horribly untrue before anything else. More than just fuel prices, everything else but especially food prices are going to spike for a while.

But the hilarious part is the re-realization that all fossil fuel reliances are fundamentally fragile. I say "re-realization" because this was itself pretty evident after the cold war and the oil embargo of the 70's - but some boomers are too stupid to remembers lessons we've already learned. Apparently.

So instead of doing it to save the world from global warming, which we've clearly failed to do, we might at least stop actively fucking it up quite so much once people start nationalistically embracing renewable energy. Especially the renewables that they can have right in their own country - especially countries that have sunshine or wind. Wait, isn't that all of them? Why, yes. Yes it is.

2026.03.06 Pecha Kucha Money Shot

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2026.02.27 Toys

I like toys. Especially cars. They're fun for me because driving them becomes an extension of myself.

Today I was followed into the parking garage at work by a fellow in a gen-3 Mazda RX-7 - a pretty epic toy from the turn of the millennium. And I got to chatting with the German driver as we walked out, and learned that it was his dream car. To hear him talk about driving it, and how it exceeded his expectations not because of how good it was but because of all its faults being unimportant and highlighting what he cared about while driving. Very cool, brief conversation.

Also: the D&D books and kaiju miniature we backed [checks watch] about 2 years ago finally showed up.

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2026.01.17 Dad Thoughts Evolved For Today

So, I've written a bunch of Rants about my dad. Some as I realized he was mortal - which was a weird realization to experience as a rational being. More immediately when he died to metabolize my grief, and others over a period of a decade afterwards. Many of those were reminiscences of childhood defining experiences and mythologies for my own catharsis, and with burgeoning hopes of there being a way for my kids to know something of him.

I think he would have really liked them both. They have a lot of different parts of him, and his mom.

Except doubts bubble up from the corners of my memory. And I find myself working through extrapolations of the son-ward facets I could see into the person he might have actually been.

Obviously, my dad was pretty cool. And I don't just mean that in the idol-worship way sons have for their fathers - which I kind of do - but also he seemed to have an effortless way of making people want to be his friend. I don't actually know where he fit in the Letterkenny Spectrum as kid - hick, skid, or jock (definitely not a native or a christian, or Québécois for that matter nor a degen from up-country). But the vast majority of people I saw him encounter already knew him, or of him, and respected him if not overtly expressing happiness at seeing him.

All of which I couch as being the basis for assuming that he was pretty comfortable in our pasty-white mostly monoculture small-town circumstances. That sort of comfort breeds a sense of confirmation about one's own cultural identity.

And, honestly, while my dad was great at talking philosophy with me - especially about the why of things - whenever topics of other places or peoples came up he was consistently dismissive and unkind. And occasionally overtly racist, and sometimes simply xenophobic.

Over the past decade, I've worried about how my boomer dad might have responded to the weird right-wing stumble of western civilization. If I try to comfort myself with how he was smart and would be disgusted by the stupid lies, it's hard to deny the persuasive power that hate has had over people. Especially boomers.

It occurred to me to try to talk my hypothetical conservative father away from the lure of fascism, but it just hurts my heart too much to think about it too much.

But then I imagine how he'd react to his grandkids both being non-binary and fabulous.

The deepest well of my hope is that he would have spent a lot of time knowing them all through their lives and see how their development into who they are becoming is a lovely and natural extrapolation of the brilliant and lovely potential they've always had. And that his love for them would ease any struggling conservative confusion he might experience so that he could be the same cool and inspirational patriarch for them that he was for me and my sister.

That doesn't change the fear that he would have not been as close, or as accepting. And that fear sits on my heart.

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2026.01.09 Men With Hats

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2026.01.02 First Day Of The New Job

Sadly, my epic new seat was not ready to set up. So I just admired the view for a minute - both out the across the river, and into my director's office at the giant Millenium Falcon LEGO set.

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2025.12.30 - 2025 Wrap-Up

Fredmas Crash

On the wet and rainy morning of Fredmas, Ember and Violet were commuting to Hillsdale for school when they were the tail-end of a 5-car pile-up. Speeds were modest, and the 2018 Subaru Impreza did all the safety-engineered things to sacrifice itself such that neither kid was injured in any way.

Communication was not stellar, but Violet managed to let us know right away. So without actually having all the details up front, Amy and I knew they had a problem and could see that they were in the middle of the Fremont freeway bridge and jumped into Velma to go help. When we showed up they were the only ones there - shivering in the rain on the side of the freeway. Amy onboarded the kids to drive them the rest of the way SW, and I stayed in the shivering sideways rain for a couple hours with the wreck to wait for the tow truck. Fun times.

Some lessons learned, and Ember has yet to get back in that saddle. Scheming about how to proceed with commuter vehicle plans is still ongoing. It seems like a logical time and place to make a plug for the replacement to be an EV, but probably shouldn't push too hard. Because reasons.

Work Transformations

December as a whole has been weird with trying to finish handing work batons to their new responsible engineers. It's been the longest that I've been in any group - 10 years! - and recognize that it's going to be a long time to ever fully extricate myself.

At the same time, the new Vehicle Level Engineering role is both exciting and boggling. Frankly, it's a lot.

Simultaneously, Amy is changing shifts to stop the 5 12-hour shifts in 6 days marathon every couple weeks and jumping into 3 shifts every week with her best non-Clayton friend. We're all very excited for the shift in energy.

Other Stuff

This winter break had been bookmarked for a bunch of reading and writing plans, all of which have basically unravelled as I'm actually spending most of my time just mouth-breathing my way through the exhausting cold/flu that Ember gave me.

Now that the kids are back, I do intend to inflict all kinds of old but beloved movies on them. So there's that. There's also a butt-tonne of sugary foods from all the sources to keep me overfed while I quietly lament how few bike rides I actually went on this year.

So it goes.

Things I'm looking forward to in 2026:

• bunches of Amy+Clayton adventure time regularly
• diving into a dream job (should probably write a separate post about that thought alone)
• defeating fascism

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2025.11.30 Movember

Not my best effort. I suspect that the grey makes it incrementally less impressive. Plus I kept trimming to avoid poking Amy so much, and the surrounding scruff softens the effect even more.

Gone now, but not missed. Other than the daily startle of seeing my dad in the mirror.

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2025.10.18 No Kings

40,000 people in Portland sending a clear message.

Awkwardly, the current administration has also been sending a clear, fascist message.

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2025.10.04 Federal Troops In Portland

It's really weird. Just, you know, profoundly weird.

Acknowledging for a moment the footage from 2020 looked bad - as shown on cable news. But even then that was basically constrained to a couple blocks downtown for actual protests. Meanwhile there were other simultaneous marches about police brutality throughout the city that were completely peaceful and not newsworthy.

I suppose that if one were to conflate the "hundred days of protest" in 2020 with the rising homelessness problem, one could squint and see the folks cowering in tents and vehicles and pretend there's a direct connection of some kind. I mean, other than the systematic violence done to the worker class both strip mining us for wealth and trying to overtly pit us against each other.

But in context of what is actually happening right now - which amounts to a group of 6-16 people regularly taunting ICE agents at a single building - it's wildly disproportional. Especially with the Portland Police Department stating, in court, that all the altercations they have evidence for so far are mainly cases of untrained federal agents trying to instigate meme-worthy moments with the peaceful protestors.

So the federal activation of 200 National Guard to "pacify Portland" is, well, purely for show.

Which makes Portland's main reaction one that endears this city to me even more: to be silly. Dressing up in harmless costumes, dancing, and handing out cookies. Doing whatever it takes to make the video bites nearly impossible to weaponize politically, as the fascists so clearly desire.

And to the person in the inflatable costume that had the inlet of their suit sprayed with pepper spray: I hope you are OK. As much as that must have sucked, and possibly could have caused serious medical repercussions, you embodied the shallow idiocy of their position. In no way could a bumbling inflatable costume be considered a threat, and to assault you was to show the cowardly and loathsome depth of their antisocial motivations.

To the federal fucknugget that used pepper spray on an obviously-harmless person in an inflatable costume: Now we all know why you have no real friends and your life is empty of meaning. You obviously don't belong in Portland.

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2025.09.17 Bertrand Russell On Fascism

As mentioned on BoingBoing today:
In 1962, Sir Oswald Mosley, leader of the British Union of Fascists, invited Nobel-winning philosopher Bertrand Russell to a debate. Mosley aimed to persuade Russell of fascism's merits.

Russell, who was 89 at the time, replied:

Dear Sir Oswald,

Thank you for your letter and for your enclosures. I have given some thought to our recent correspondence. It is always difficult to decide on how to respond to people whose ethos is so alien and, in fact, repellent to one's own. It is not that I take exception to the general points made by you but that every ounce of my energy has been devoted to an active opposition to cruel bigotry, compulsive violence, and the sadistic persecution which has characterised the philosophy and practice of fascism.

I feel obliged to say that the emotional universes we inhabit are so distinct, and in deepest ways opposed, that nothing fruitful or sincere could ever emerge from association between us.

I should like you to understand the intensity of this conviction on my part. It is not out of any attempt to be rude that I say this but because of all that I value in human experience and human achievement.

Yours sincerely,

Bertrand Russell

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2025.08.15 If Not Stupid, Then Why Stupid-Shaped?

Seriously, there is so much political stupidity going on.

ETA:
Examples? Hell no. It would be like admitting a vampire into your home to post anything like a meaningful set.

If there is permitted to be accurate news and history recorded of this era, simple searches will reveal enough to explain.

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2025.06.25 Corporate Culture

Big changes at work. Not going to talk about that overly much - it's too boring to even write out.

BUT. An aspect I find interesting is who is excited about these major changes, and who is worried about them.

Now, obviously, both reactions are simultaneously valid and possible. I feel both myself. But whether the excitement is more important compared to the various individual level of concern does speak to where many of us are. Which, in turn, is strongly indicative of the sense of trust we have with the company - or our sense of trust in ourselves to offset any lack of trust in the company we have.

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RESISTANCE STATUS:

• US citizenship: APPLICATION (still) PENDING
• local politics: NULL, homeless situation correctly one of the main foci
• global politics: NULL, wait - Justin is dating Katy? Nice.