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2018.05.25 Another Deletable Entry

This is where I write something asinine that transmutes into something poignant.

Shit. I guess not.

Just like how this was supposed to be the day that I finally figured out how deftly point claytoncastle.com to this site instead of the old static POS. Lesson to self: don't register domains with shifty-eyed Calgarians.

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2018.05.21 Reflections On David Bock

The memorial service for my father-in-law was lovely. It is quite impressive the consistently profound effect that he had on most people who got to know him. Their remembrances of him spoke of his capacity for listening, insight, and wisdom. My wife's and my brother-in-law's memorial speeches were part of the same Venn diagram, but also included insights into his pervasive humour and glimpses of fatherly love.

I feel like there was another lesson of David Bock that was less-well recognized. When people mentioned his struggle with Parkinsons, they spoke of his former vigor and of his valour in facing the disease. Both of which are undoubtedly true. But there was also a substantial serving of stubbornness associated with his resolute denial of some of his limitations. He really should have been using a walker, or a wheelchair - but he didn't. Instead he used a cane. Not to help him walk, really, but more of a way to signal "holy shit, look out for the old man about to stumble and fall down". And, I should say, I have a hereditary respect for stubbornness. To my shame, I also felt a certain occasional pity for him - for the difficulty in basic navigation, and the embarrassment of needing help. He needed help standing up. A lot. But here's the thing - and pardon me while I struggle to capture it adequately - he was capable of transcending that pity and embarrassment, for both of us.

When he needed help up, he would hold up his hand as a simple, humble request. And no matter how he had gotten into the state of needing help up, he was actually offering both of us a way to address - and succeed - in accomplishing a mutual state of dignity. The asking for help comes from self-respect, knowing that being helped is deserved. The giving of help comes from self-respect, knowing that we are capable of helping. The simple clasping of hands, and pulling, forged a bond of regard and affection.

I liked helping my father-in-law, Doctor David Bock, to stand up. In family settings I would arrange to be situated so that I would be the most convenient person to step in to assist him to stand should he need it. It's not often you get the opportunity to engage in an act of pure transcendent dignity.

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2018.05.15 Congratulations Canadians

Specifically, congratulations to my children Simon and Violet who just received their official documentation verifying their Canadian citizenship. A few thoughts about this coexist simultaneously for me.

1. I'm so incredibly proud of my favourite people belonging to my favourite country.
2. That was considerably more difficult and annoying than it had to be.
3. I hope they live in Canada, at least for a bit.
4. All that's left is for S to get her Canadian citizenship, then we can flee. (If we need to.)

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2018.05.05 Turtles All The Way Down

Just finished reading Turtles All The Way Down by John Green. Yes, the same John Green who made you cry entirely too much with The Fault In Our Stars. It's similarly excellent, complete with required tissues in-between the laughing.

One of the poignant facets of the book is the unique pain of losing loved ones, specifically fathers. This resonates here at the Castle household, because of tragedies both new and old. It prompted a couple things in me. One, I found myself phoning my dad's cell phone, which for complicated reasons my mom has kept but rarely has on - and has never changed the message. Two, I've become hyper-aware of how my kids seem to be perceiving me.

I hope there's still an internet when they're older, after I'm gone. Hi kids. I adore you both.

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2018.04.27 David Bock

kvankii.com/gallery/bocks.jpeg

Farewell to my father-in-law, a man of profound insight and humour.

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2018.04.21 Moobaru

What the Moobaru is can be either simple or complicated.

Simply:
A base-model 2018 Subaru Impreza, milky white.

Complicated:
Several considerations needed to be weighed. The need for a second vehicle was relatively urgent, due to the timing for returning the Schleppenwagen. Plus the (hopefully) imminent arrival of a Tesla Model 3 meant that we wanted to keep the budget as low as could be reasonable. Further, the current Blubaru is going to need to be returned itself later this year, and there is a definite niche of utility having a Canadian-snow-capable transport in the fleet.

On the utility front, I would have preferred to maintain some sort of van-like element, but this failed several parameters. Firstly, despite being the least-expensive Mercedes, all the realistic potential vans are more expensive than is ideal. Used versions are not readily available, and we have little interest in increased maintenance issues. Ultimately is the concept that the non-Tesla vehicle would functionally be the Wife's default vehicle for use, and she really hated driving the Schleppenwagen. Alas.

One interesting element about the Moobaru is that it has a manual transmission. This makes it surprisingly fun to drive. The surprise is not because of the peak of joy it provides, but instead because of how complicated it makes the driving. The clutch actuation is a rather narrow band, and the little boxer-4 engine is astonishingly gutless at low RPM. This means that the Moobaru is decidedly tricky to launch. Thankfully it has an automatic hill-holding feature, or I would have a much harder time of it. I've come to respect how the CVT in the Blubaru enables the engine to stay in its most potent range, because with the discrete gears of the Moobaru you only get to visit maximum power briefly. Throw in a healthy dash of standard Subaru extra-bouncy driveline lash, and it takes a lot of finesse to avoid head bobbling.

I mentioned the overall gutlessness of the Moobaru to the resident racecar builder/driver at work, and he delightedly proclaimed "MOMENTUM CAR!". "Momentum doesn't need gears - just a good line and commitment." He's totally right.

The Moobaru also came with steel wheels, which were originally hidden behind plastic mag-toupees. I pulled those off, because I prefer the honest look of the steel wheels. The wife is less enthralled, and demands the replacement of the fakey-fake fakes. Maybe a compromise of finding some cheap mag wheels for the duration of the Moobaru's stay would be better - keeping the steelies for winter rubber.

Technology is quite different between the Moobaru and Blubaru. The Moobaru lacks the Eyesight™ system for active safety and advanced cruise control, which I regret. The ability to crawl through stop-and-go traffic without obsessively watching the surging traffic makes it much less stressful. Plus I really quite like the idea of automatic emergency braking. On the plus side, the Moobaru comes with Apple Carplay - and it's brilliant.

Overall, I really quite like the Moobaru - for what it is.

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2018.04.11 Violet Art Gallery

Some of Violet's art was selected for public display at the Portland Art Gallery.

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2018.04.07 stuffin.space

http://stuffin.space is actually really rather amazing. That's a lot of stuff. In space.