2018.05.21 Reflections On David Bock

The memorial service for my father-in-law was lovely. It is quite impressive the consistently profound effect that he had on most people who got to know him. Their remembrances of him spoke of his capacity for listening, insight, and wisdom. My wife's and my brother-in-law's memorial speeches were part of the same Venn diagram, but also included insights into his pervasive humour and glimpses of fatherly love.

I feel like there was another lesson of David Bock that was less-well recognized. When people mentioned his struggle with Parkinsons, they spoke of his former vigor and of his valour in facing the disease. Both of which are undoubtedly true. But there was also a substantial serving of stubbornness associated with his resolute denial of some of his limitations. He really should have been using a walker, or a wheelchair - but he didn't. Instead he used a cane. Not to help him walk, really, but more of a way to signal "holy shit, look out for the old man about to stumble and fall down". And, I should say, I have a hereditary respect for stubbornness. To my shame, I also felt a certain occasional pity for him - for the difficulty in basic navigation, and the embarrassment of needing help. He needed help standing up. A lot. But here's the thing - and pardon me while I struggle to capture it adequately - he was capable of transcending that pity and embarrassment, for both of us.

When he needed help up, he would hold up his hand as a simple, humble request. And no matter how he had gotten into the state of needing help up, he was actually offering both of us a way to address - and succeed - in accomplishing a mutual state of dignity. The asking for help comes from self-respect, knowing that being helped is deserved. The giving of help comes from self-respect, knowing that we are capable of helping. The simple clasping of hands, and pulling, forged a bond of regard and affection.

I liked helping my father-in-law, Doctor David Bock, to stand up. In family settings I would arrange to be situated so that I would be the most convenient person to step in to assist him to stand should he need it. It's not often you get the opportunity to engage in an act of pure transcendent dignity.