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| <p align="right"><font size="6">[[Transition|<font face="Consolas, Courier new">claytoncastle.com</font> • T R A N S I T I O N]]</font></p> | | <p align="center"><font size="6">[[Transition|<font face="Consolas, Courier new">claytoncastle.com</font>]]</font></p> |
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| =[[2020.11.13 - United States of Assholes]]= | | =[[2026.01.09 Men With Hats]]= |
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| The deep and profound relief at the (eventual) election of Joe Biden and Kamala Harris is thankfully still salving the past four years of horror. Emotional, philosophical, spiritual, pragmatic utilitarian horror. But the gestalt horror is not forgotten. And, worse, the visceral terror of the implications of the numbers of the election cannot be un-discovered.
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| People looking at the title of this post might be triggered, classifying this as just more of Clayton's typical pro-Canada elitism finding an opportunity to gloat. And it's a fair comment. But the United States really is magnificent, and Portland in particular is full of all kinds of awesome. I've been here for almost 2 decades now, and have a lot of important roots, and that deepens how significant what goes on in the US is to me.
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| With that in mind, the fact that about 70 million people voted for Donald Trump in 2020 is... sad.
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| Even acknowledging the extreme polarization, it still means that almost twice the population of Canada worth of people were willing to at least "put up with" a fascist racist lying failure of a president. And why would they do this? Well, last month I speculated that it functionally makes them bad people - but virtually nobody does anything with the specific intent to be bad people (Mitch McConnell excepted).
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| I think the reason comes down to how the US is systemically structured to facilitate assholes.
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| It has gotten better over the centuries, but fundamentally it's still about harnessing the power of assholes. It's not that everyone in the US is an asshole, or that only assholes thrive. It's more that being an asshole is a distinct advantage in most aspects of living in the US. And even further, the pitting of people's stoked avarice against each other allows for considerable achievements. It just so happens that those achievements are usually at considerable human expense. This every-asshole-for-themself individualism was key for expanding through a wild continent. But it is now very much out of step for the interests of living with ourselves in civilization.
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| The divide politically is most obviously displayed with the geographical results - urban versus rural. Many of the conservative people I know all have worries about reality where the only solution they can conceive of is raw independent self-sufficiency. Even when I snarkily suggest adjusting shared societal factors to eradicate the selfsame problems. Which they insist are impossible - because there are too many assholes. Which, inevitably, means that they have to pre-asshole to out-asshole the hypothetical assholes.
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| The trouble with assholes, aside from the inherent assholery, is the tendency to assume that everyone else is an asshole too. Perhaps more than just a tendency for some, but a full blown paranoia that the world is stuffed full of dicks out to fuck the unwary. This causes them to forgive all sorts of crazy shit for the purpose of supporting political forces they think will be the right kind of assholery.
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| =[[2020.10.31 Gun Saftey]]= | | =[[2026.01.02 First Day Of The New Job]]= |
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| I like guns. They're fun, and cool.
| | Sadly, my epic new seat was not ready to set up. So I just admired the view for a minute - both out the across the river, and into my director's office at the giant Millenium Falcon LEGO set. |
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| As a rational person, I think that guns should be regulated and controlled at least as well as motor vehicles. As a civilized person, I think the idea of civilians being able to carry around assault-class weapons and handguns ridiculous. As a person living in the US, I take advantage of the idiotically lax gun laws to occasionally go to gun ranges and borrow guns to do some shooting.
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| There are a large population of people here, friends and family of mine even, who keep guns at home "for protection". It's... a bit baffling.
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| While I can appreciate that plain old statistics are generally un-persuasive, even when they overwhelmingly demonstrate that a person is wildly more likely to be injured by a gun if they or someone they live with has a gun, I'm still at a loss for their imagined scenario. It must be some sort of western or action movie bullshit that lives in all their brains. Either that, or a wildly exaggerated sense of the existence of "bad guys".
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| Are they really going to murder someone over some stuff? Is that really the plan? How is "nope the fuck out" not the default plan already, along with "call the police" (for my mostly white friends).
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| The hypothetical home invaders are much more likely to be simply dissuaded by a loud phone call, and a gun being brought into play is just an escalation into a gunfight - which is much less likely if they're not being shot at.
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| Some of the most likely home invaders are police fucking up a search warrant, and if you get a shot off at them they are going to straight up murder your whole family by unloading into the house. Hell, a huge part of why US police are so trigger-happy is because so many motherfuckers have got guns. If guns were actually hard to come by, lethal force wouldn't be haunting the forefront of every cop's nervous little fascist brain.
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| Be safe: don't have a gun. Rent that shit at a gun club, and leave it there after the giggles are done.
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| =[[2020.10.21 Mindfulness of Good and the Selfishness of Evil]]= | | =[[2025.12.30 - 2025 Wrap-Up]]= |
| <font face="consolas, courier new"> | | <font face="consolas, courier new"> |
| | ==Fredmas Crash== |
| | On the wet and rainy morning of Fredmas, Ember and Violet were commuting to Hillsdale for school when they were the tail-end of a 5-car pile-up. Speeds were modest, and the 2018 Subaru Impreza did all the safety-engineered things to sacrifice itself such that neither kid was injured in any way. |
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| The kids and I were taking an after-work/school stroll, and Simon and I were discussing Dungeons & Dragons - specifically our characters of questionable morals.
| | Communication was not stellar, but Violet managed to let us know right away. So without actually having all the details up front, Amy and I knew they had a problem and could see that they were in the middle of the Fremont freeway bridge and jumped into Velma to go help. When we showed up they were the only ones there - shivering in the rain on the side of the freeway. Amy onboarded the kids to drive them the rest of the way SW, and I stayed in the shivering sideways rain for a couple hours with the wreck to wait for the tow truck. Fun times. |
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| Simon knows that I don't really subscribe to any absolute concepts of "good" or "evil", as they all too readily devolve into relative and circumstantial excuses. The common joke is that we are evil, but trying to be better. Mostly. But in the context of role-playing, there are objective aspects to contemplate for distinguishing good versus evil.
| | Some lessons learned, and Ember has yet to get back in that saddle. Scheming about how to proceed with commuter vehicle plans is still ongoing. It seems like a logical time and place to make a plug for the replacement to be an EV, but probably shouldn't push too hard. Because reasons. |
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| What Simon described for how he and his compatriots played was something he called "chaotic neutral". In his mind, this is a combination of "chaotic" - meaning not necessarily rule-abiding - and "neutral" - neither "good" nor "evil". Which checks out, superficially. But upon further discussion about how they actually played, it mostly meant that they were "free to do what they want".
| | ==Work Transformations== |
| | December as a whole has been weird with trying to finish handing work batons to their new responsible engineers. It's been the longest that I've been in any group - 10 years! - and recognize that it's going to be a long time to ever fully extricate myself. |
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| So I broke it to Simon that I think what he was playing is actually "evil".
| | At the same time, the new Vehicle Level Engineering role is both exciting and boggling. Frankly, it's a lot. |
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| This distressed Simon considerably, and he assured me that it's not evil - just not good. When I asked him to clarify what "evil" meant, and he asserted that it was all about intentionally afflicting harm on others. Which, I mean, sure - that would definitely qualify. But I tried to tell him that this alone was not a very useful definition - even for gaming purposes. Because while it might be sufficiently descriptive to assign to "evil" combatants the characters would face, it would be pretty much impossible to actually play a character that way. Partially because it would be nearly impossible to accomplish anything in a complicated world when literally nobody would deal with you. But mostly because it would exhausting to keep it up, since the motivation is so unrealistic.
| | Simultaneously, Amy is changing shifts to stop the 5 12-hour shifts in 6 days marathon every couple weeks and jumping into 3 shifts every week with her best non-Clayton friend. We're all very excited for the shift in energy. |
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| No, I really think "evil" is better explained by systematic selfishness and general disregard others. "Bad" things happen from others being selfish more than they do from anyone or anything primarily interested in doing harm. Balancing that, I see most "good" coming from people being mindful - of others and the world around them.
| | ==Other Stuff== |
| | This winter break had been bookmarked for a bunch of reading and writing plans, all of which have basically unravelled as I'm actually spending most of my time just mouth-breathing my way through the exhausting cold/flu that Ember gave me. |
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| Which brings me to extrapolating that to the current election here in the United States - between the Hair Sniffer and the Pussy Grabber. Or, more generally, between Republicans and Democrats.
| | Now that the kids are back, I do intend to inflict all kinds of old but beloved movies on them. So there's that. There's also a butt-tonne of sugary foods from all the sources to keep me overfed while I quietly lament how few bike rides I actually went on this year. |
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| Classically, I would balance the contest as mostly being a contest of competing philosophical methods for how to best run a country. I no longer think this is so. While the Democrats are flawed in many ways, they are genuinely trying to continuously improve - and do so while fundamentally being mindful of others and the world in general. Whereas the Republicans have devolved to being purely the party preying on the most selfish facets of people - their fears and hates.
| | So it goes. |
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| Show me any single person who votes for Donald Trump for president in 2020, and I'll show you a person who is voting out of fear, hatred, or some other metastasized selfishness.
| | Things I'm looking forward to in 2026: |
| | * bunches of Amy+Clayton adventure time regularly |
| | * diving into a dream job (should probably write a separate post about that thought alone) |
| | * defeating fascism |
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| =[[2020.08.21 "You made that up."]]= | | =[[2025.11.30 Movember]]= |
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| "You made that up."
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| I'm not sure how much my total lack of surprise is conveyed by whatever expression is on my increasingly-worn face, but I lift my spiny shoulders in a shrug-like manner. "That part isn't important for the purpose of this exchange, but it does set things up well to help you understand what I'm trying to explain."
| | Not my best effort. I suspect that the grey makes it incrementally less impressive. Plus I kept trimming to avoid poking Amy so much, and the surrounding scruff softens the effect even more. |
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| The lean reptilian death-machine regards me through slitted eyelids. "Look, ye crazy old monster, I ken that ye can murder me inna blink of an eye - yeah? So I'll listen to whatever cockamamie tale you need me ta hear. Just maybe leave out the shyte with magical humans with wings."
| | Gone now, but not missed. Other than the daily startle of seeing my dad in the mirror. |
| | </font> |
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| "The lady with the bat wings that leapt into the portal wasn't the scary bit; it was the black telepathic robots that started hunting me. That was what started me on this path."
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| The reptiloid adjusts all three of its pairs of holstered blasters to get more comfortable on its barstool perch. "A path for forcing random people to listen to crazy stories?"
| | =[[2025.10.18 No Kings]]= |
| | <font face="consolas, courier new"> |
| | 40,000 people in Portland sending a clear message. |
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| Woo - suave. It must have pinged the robotic bartender to start making a drink a few moments ago, because that casual reach backward without looking to receive that mug was pretty slick. I wrinkle my snout. "That's a by-product." I tap one of my talons on the bar top to request a replacement drink of my own, in a more old-fashioned way. Based on the crooked set of its mouth, I think it does not think I'm very cool.
| | Awkwardly, the current administration has also been sending a clear, fascist message. |
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| The robotic bartender gives me an ETA on my drink, which seems somewhat faster than I would have expected. I regard my captive audience some more. "At the time, I was rather skilled with a blaster, and well on my way to being a decent assassin. Tough enough that people stayed out of my way, which let me move pretty quickly through various environments."
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| Ah - a nod. This makes sense to it, as it probably aligns well with its own ease of moving through reality through brute application of paired blaster fire.
| | =[[2025.10.04 Federal Troops In Portland]]= |
| | | <font face="consolas, courier new"> |
| I let my fangs show as I smile, to distract it. "That almost got me killed too many times to count. Because as fast as I could move on, the things hunting me could always find me."
| | It's really weird. Just, you know, profoundly weird. |
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| "So ye'r shitty at sneaking an hiding. So whaaaaaaat?!!!"
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| The change of expression is just delicious as I brought one of its very-precious plasma blasters into view. "That was jut the thing - I wasn't. Kind of the opposite." It is clearly reigning in its indignation as it respectfully retrieves the exquisite weapon from my open palm. "My problem was that I was just a bit too... distinctive."
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| A bunch of half-formed expressions chase each other across the reptiloid's face. "Have ye been hunting me down?"
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| The tension of the moment is piled on with a faint mechanical scream and a sudden thin plume of smoke rising from behind the bar. Both I and the reptiloid glance over, and I get an updated ETA on my drink that is considerably further in the future. An ugly snicker works its way out of my ragged vocal chords.
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| Turning back to regard the noticeably-more-tense reptiloid, I tilt my wedge-like head. "Smart question. But no, not exactly."
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| It doesn't look relieved. "What do ye mean 'not exactly'?"
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| "Honestly, I wasn't looking for you. Just someone like you."
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| "So, what? A seasoned shock-trooper?" I can see a thought sprout in its mind real-time. "Or, are ye just looking for the toughest arsehole in the bar, to make a point?"
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| It's not far from the mark there. "Let's just say that you are a means to an end, yes." And it wouldn't be correct to try to be any more reassuring than that. Because this bristling hotshot is definitely at risk. Imminently. But not as much as I am. That thought makes me smile, sardonically.
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| "Oh, yeah? Wha' end is that, then?" I'm guessing that my smile makes it even less at ease. Which is fine.
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| I make a face, peering over the bar to try to get a guess at the progress on my drink, and hold up a single talon. "It won't do to jump to the end. There's a process to this, for it to work properly. If we rush it, it might end up with unnecessary violence and fuss." The reptiloid looks restless, so I push on. "The tactic I stumbled on, for existing without being so easily discovered, was to diversify my methods. I stopped relying on the blaster, and started developing expertise with hand-to-hand combat. I wasn't very good at it, at first, but I kept developing the assassination ability alongside. I got rather good at that, too."
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| "Did that work?"
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| "Nope!"
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| The impatience is almost palpable. "Then why even mention it?"
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| "Well, it did work - a bit - for a while. The problem was that the fundamental truth of what I am eventually shined through, and I became even more uniquely identifiable than before. Because I ran into an age-old problem - finding things difficult enough to be enough of a challenge to actually improve my skills. Shifting into a new type of fighting eventually highlighted the underlying assassin skills, which remain at the core of my fighting styles."
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| Oooh! Drink is ready! I tenderly pluck the crucible with the noxious fog roiling over the edge up off the bar. The repiloid's expression of disapproval grows as it regards my favourite poison. I gesture a "cheers" at it, and take an exploratory sip. Oh, it burns! The fumes etching my sinuses is particularly sharp. Let me just dial down my pain receptors in my face even more so that I don't involuntarily shriek. Hooooo - ahhhh. Zark that was nasty. It does have the desired effect, though: the warm sensation of a swarm of emergency nanoscopic robots involuntarily surging up my core. Plus, you know, the painful reassurance that I'm not dead and can still feel.
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| I turn to my involuntary drinking partner - who has apparently forgotten their own drink while watching me with an exotic mix of horror and wariness. "Which essentially brings us to the part about hunting Missionaries."
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| "Oh, fucking hells! More gorram fairy tale monsters?!"
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| Ignoring the snarl, I make a grimace. "The problem with Missionaries, for being like me, is that they are very hard to find."
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| "That's because they don't fucking exist, ye daft prickle bush!"
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| "...so I tend to use bait."
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| The reptiloid is abruptly quiet and alert - mostly watching me though. Which is a mistake.
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| "Because Missionaries like to stalk powerful combatants - for training of their own." This seems like a ripe moment to have my ridiculously over-compensating-class force blade fly up into my hand and snap energized. The tension in the entire bar is now cranked up nicely.
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| The reptiloid carefully reaches to his pair of widestroke blasters - which would be a good choice, if any choice he made would have mattered. "What the fuck are ye doing?!"
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| "You don't think I'm talking to you, still, do you?"
| | Acknowledging for a moment the footage from 2020 looked bad - as shown on cable news. But even then that was basically constrained to a couple blocks downtown for actual protests. Meanwhile there were other simultaneous marches about police brutality throughout the city that were completely peaceful and not newsworthy. |
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| There's a brilliant flash as an assault cutting beam suddenly cleaves a leg off a way-too-fast human. And only be reviewing sensor data afterwards is it possible to parse how very quickly said leg fled out of the bar on its own, hotly pursued by the transforming 3-limbed ex-human. The reptiloid's blasters are out and he's pivoting to face the cowering remains of the bar - and leering Orbodun covering the exit with said assault cutting laser.
| | I suppose that if one were to conflate the "hundred days of protest" in 2020 with the rising homelessness problem, one could squint and see the folks cowering in tents and vehicles and pretend there's a direct connection of some kind. I mean, other than the systematic violence done to the worker class both strip mining us for wealth and trying to overtly pit us against each other. |
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| I glide off my stool, also carefully regarding the exit, and slink over to my partners. "That worked really well!"
| | But in context of what is actually happening right now - which amounts to a group of 6-16 people regularly taunting ICE agents at a single building - it's wildly disproportional. Especially with the Portland Police Department stating, in court, that all the altercations they have evidence for so far are mainly cases of untrained federal agents trying to instigate meme-worthy moments with the peaceful protestors. |
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| The super-stealthy Takolee appears at my elbow. The Orbodun nods, "Except that I almost flinched when the rifle was slipped into my grip. You are extremely smooth." The Takolee gives a flourish of a bow. The Orbodun nods in the direction of the flustered reptiloid still brandishing pistols. "I think you owe that... guy? a drink."
| | So the federal activation of 200 National Guard to "pacify Portland" is, well, purely for show. |
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| "It's truly androgynous at the moment, so neither a guy nor a gal, technically. But, nah - I already gave it a great story to tell."
| | Which makes Portland's main reaction one that endears this city to me even more: to be silly. Dressing up in harmless costumes, dancing, and handing out cookies. Doing whatever it takes to make the video bites nearly impossible to weaponize politically, as the fascists so clearly desire. |
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| "Not that anyone will believe it's story, though."
| | And to the person in the inflatable costume that had the inlet of their suit sprayed with pepper spray: I hope you are OK. As much as that must have sucked, and possibly could have caused serious medical repercussions, you embodied the shallow idiocy of their position. In no way could a bumbling inflatable costume be considered a threat, and to assault you was to show the cowardly and loathsome depth of their antisocial motivations. |
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| "That's a feature of a really great story, isn't it?"
| | To the federal fucknugget that used pepper spray on an obviously-harmless person in an inflatable costume: Now we all know why you have no real friends and your life is empty of meaning. You obviously don't belong in Portland. |
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| =[[2020.07.07 Verbal Constipation]]= | | =[[2025.09.17 Bertrand Russell On Fascism]]= |
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| There's so much going on!
| | As mentioned on BoingBoing today:<br> |
| | In 1962, Sir Oswald Mosley, leader of the British Union of Fascists, invited Nobel-winning philosopher Bertrand Russell to a debate. Mosley aimed to persuade Russell of fascism's merits. |
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| | Russell, who was 89 at the time, replied: |
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| And I have so little ability to make meaningful note of it. Sucks.
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| | Dear Sir Oswald, |
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| =[[2020.06.30 Courage, Confidence, and Goodness]]=
| | Thank you for your letter and for your enclosures. I have given some thought to our recent correspondence. It is always difficult to decide on how to respond to people whose ethos is so alien and, in fact, repellent to one's own. It is not that I take exception to the general points made by you but that every ounce of my energy has been devoted to an active opposition to cruel bigotry, compulsive violence, and the sadistic persecution which has characterised the philosophy and practice of fascism. |
| <font face="consolas, courier new">
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| <pre>Blatantly stolen from the interwebs...</pre>
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| If courage isn't the absence of fear but doing the right thing regardless of it, maybe confidence isn't the absence of insecurity but knowing you have real worth despite it.
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| By this same token, maybe goodness isn't the absence of bad thoughts or impulses, but the conscious choice to behave according to your moral ideals in spite of them.
| | I feel obliged to say that the emotional universes we inhabit are so distinct, and in deepest ways opposed, that nothing fruitful or sincere could ever emerge from association between us. |
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| | I should like you to understand the intensity of this conviction on my part. It is not out of any attempt to be rude that I say this but because of all that I value in human experience and human achievement. |
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| =[[2020.05.24 Pandemic Ponderings 4]]=
| | Yours sincerely, |
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| How very odd that the top four countries ranked in terms of cases of infection, demonstrating that they are the least capable of dealing with real world facts and situations, all happen to have governments lead by populist leaders.
| | Bertrand Russell |
| | </blockquote> |
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| =[[2020.05.17 The Hole]]= | | =[[2025.08.15 If Not Stupid, Then Why Stupid-Shaped?]]= |
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| Back when I was turning 30, I was tormented for a couple years with a new sensation of being ready to be part of a family. I discovered in myself a capacity to hold another in a trusting way, to be a partner. It ached to be unfulfilled. But then I did find a partner, and it blossomed into a family, and the sense of completeness is one that I know in my bones is how my best life can be realized.
| | Seriously, there is so much political stupidity going on. |
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| So I know that such a thing is possible. And the ache I feel now can be soothed, with patience and care.
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| Except now there's a new space in me, beyond the socket that I might find a partner to fit. I've been eroded by the knowledge that it ends. It always ends. My trust can never be safe.
| | ETA:<br> |
| | Examples? Hell no. It would be like admitting a vampire into your home to post anything like a meaningful set. |
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| Which is why I'm here, alone with my feelings, grieving the version of me that I may never get to be again.
| | If there is permitted to be accurate news and history recorded of this era, simple searches will reveal enough to explain. |
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| =[[2020.05.09 Define Well-Being]]= | | =[[2025.06.25 Corporate Culture]]= |
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| Before the pandemic started, I signed up for an online psychology course from Yale: <i>The Psychology of Happiness</i> with Doctor Laurie Santos. It was meant to augment my therapy, but has turned into my only therapy. And, honestly, it's been some of the most helpful therapeutic work I've done.
| | Big changes at work. Not going to talk about that overly much - it's too boring to even write out. |
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| My week 7 homework is a short essay: Define well-being.
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| <blockquote><i>"Think about your own definition of well-being and share it with your classmates. What does living the good life mean to you personally? Has this course changed your definition at all?"</i></blockquote>
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| Here goes.
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| <blockquote><b>
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| Well-being might shift definition based on where you view it from, in time.
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| Looking forward, well-being feels defined by a sense of affluence and ease. We imagine our future selves as having well-being with goals achieved, and needs met, and being safe.
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| In the moment, well-being is all about how in-touch with ourselves we are. Sensing the alignment of our thoughts, feelings, perceptions and sensations are the most tangible understanding of immediate well-being. These are the immersive experiences of well-being that are the pixels that make up the picture we're painting of our lives.
| | BUT. An aspect I find interesting is who is excited about these major changes, and who is worried about them. |
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| Looking back, well-being is filtered through our evaluation of our own equanimity with whatever our challenges were, and the level of acceptance we have gained. If we're wise, maybe we see how our own well-being is tied to the degree to which we were sources of well-being for the rest of the world.
| | Now, obviously, both reactions are simultaneously valid and possible. I feel both myself. But whether the excitement is more important compared to the various individual level of concern does speak to where many of us are. Which, in turn, is strongly indicative of the sense of trust we have with the company - or our sense of trust in ourselves to offset any lack of trust in the company we have. |
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| Some people need to find the edges of things, instead of assuming what they might be. I like your style.
| | RESISTANCE STATUS: |
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| | * US citizenship: APPLICATION (still) PENDING |
| | * local politics: NULL, homeless situation correctly one of the main foci |
| | * global politics: NULL, wait - Justin is dating Katy? Nice. |
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claytoncastle.com
Sadly, my epic new seat was not ready to set up. So I just admired the view for a minute - both out the across the river, and into my director's office at the giant Millenium Falcon LEGO set.
Fredmas Crash
On the wet and rainy morning of Fredmas, Ember and Violet were commuting to Hillsdale for school when they were the tail-end of a 5-car pile-up. Speeds were modest, and the 2018 Subaru Impreza did all the safety-engineered things to sacrifice itself such that neither kid was injured in any way.
Communication was not stellar, but Violet managed to let us know right away. So without actually having all the details up front, Amy and I knew they had a problem and could see that they were in the middle of the Fremont freeway bridge and jumped into Velma to go help. When we showed up they were the only ones there - shivering in the rain on the side of the freeway. Amy onboarded the kids to drive them the rest of the way SW, and I stayed in the shivering sideways rain for a couple hours with the wreck to wait for the tow truck. Fun times.
Some lessons learned, and Ember has yet to get back in that saddle. Scheming about how to proceed with commuter vehicle plans is still ongoing. It seems like a logical time and place to make a plug for the replacement to be an EV, but probably shouldn't push too hard. Because reasons.
Work Transformations
December as a whole has been weird with trying to finish handing work batons to their new responsible engineers. It's been the longest that I've been in any group - 10 years! - and recognize that it's going to be a long time to ever fully extricate myself.
At the same time, the new Vehicle Level Engineering role is both exciting and boggling. Frankly, it's a lot.
Simultaneously, Amy is changing shifts to stop the 5 12-hour shifts in 6 days marathon every couple weeks and jumping into 3 shifts every week with her best non-Clayton friend. We're all very excited for the shift in energy.
Other Stuff
This winter break had been bookmarked for a bunch of reading and writing plans, all of which have basically unravelled as I'm actually spending most of my time just mouth-breathing my way through the exhausting cold/flu that Ember gave me.
Now that the kids are back, I do intend to inflict all kinds of old but beloved movies on them. So there's that. There's also a butt-tonne of sugary foods from all the sources to keep me overfed while I quietly lament how few bike rides I actually went on this year.
So it goes.
Things I'm looking forward to in 2026:
- bunches of Amy+Clayton adventure time regularly
- diving into a dream job (should probably write a separate post about that thought alone)
- defeating fascism
Not my best effort. I suspect that the grey makes it incrementally less impressive. Plus I kept trimming to avoid poking Amy so much, and the surrounding scruff softens the effect even more.
Gone now, but not missed. Other than the daily startle of seeing my dad in the mirror.
40,000 people in Portland sending a clear message.
Awkwardly, the current administration has also been sending a clear, fascist message.
It's really weird. Just, you know, profoundly weird.
Acknowledging for a moment the footage from 2020 looked bad - as shown on cable news. But even then that was basically constrained to a couple blocks downtown for actual protests. Meanwhile there were other simultaneous marches about police brutality throughout the city that were completely peaceful and not newsworthy.
I suppose that if one were to conflate the "hundred days of protest" in 2020 with the rising homelessness problem, one could squint and see the folks cowering in tents and vehicles and pretend there's a direct connection of some kind. I mean, other than the systematic violence done to the worker class both strip mining us for wealth and trying to overtly pit us against each other.
But in context of what is actually happening right now - which amounts to a group of 6-16 people regularly taunting ICE agents at a single building - it's wildly disproportional. Especially with the Portland Police Department stating, in court, that all the altercations they have evidence for so far are mainly cases of untrained federal agents trying to instigate meme-worthy moments with the peaceful protestors.
So the federal activation of 200 National Guard to "pacify Portland" is, well, purely for show.
Which makes Portland's main reaction one that endears this city to me even more: to be silly. Dressing up in harmless costumes, dancing, and handing out cookies. Doing whatever it takes to make the video bites nearly impossible to weaponize politically, as the fascists so clearly desire.
And to the person in the inflatable costume that had the inlet of their suit sprayed with pepper spray: I hope you are OK. As much as that must have sucked, and possibly could have caused serious medical repercussions, you embodied the shallow idiocy of their position. In no way could a bumbling inflatable costume be considered a threat, and to assault you was to show the cowardly and loathsome depth of their antisocial motivations.
To the federal fucknugget that used pepper spray on an obviously-harmless person in an inflatable costume: Now we all know why you have no real friends and your life is empty of meaning. You obviously don't belong in Portland.
As mentioned on BoingBoing today:
In 1962, Sir Oswald Mosley, leader of the British Union of Fascists, invited Nobel-winning philosopher Bertrand Russell to a debate. Mosley aimed to persuade Russell of fascism's merits.
Russell, who was 89 at the time, replied:
Dear Sir Oswald,
Thank you for your letter and for your enclosures. I have given some thought to our recent correspondence. It is always difficult to decide on how to respond to people whose ethos is so alien and, in fact, repellent to one's own. It is not that I take exception to the general points made by you but that every ounce of my energy has been devoted to an active opposition to cruel bigotry, compulsive violence, and the sadistic persecution which has characterised the philosophy and practice of fascism.
I feel obliged to say that the emotional universes we inhabit are so distinct, and in deepest ways opposed, that nothing fruitful or sincere could ever emerge from association between us.
I should like you to understand the intensity of this conviction on my part. It is not out of any attempt to be rude that I say this but because of all that I value in human experience and human achievement.
Yours sincerely,
Bertrand Russell
Seriously, there is so much political stupidity going on.
ETA:
Examples? Hell no. It would be like admitting a vampire into your home to post anything like a meaningful set.
If there is permitted to be accurate news and history recorded of this era, simple searches will reveal enough to explain.
Big changes at work. Not going to talk about that overly much - it's too boring to even write out.
BUT. An aspect I find interesting is who is excited about these major changes, and who is worried about them.
Now, obviously, both reactions are simultaneously valid and possible. I feel both myself. But whether the excitement is more important compared to the various individual level of concern does speak to where many of us are. Which, in turn, is strongly indicative of the sense of trust we have with the company - or our sense of trust in ourselves to offset any lack of trust in the company we have.
RESISTANCE STATUS:
- US citizenship: APPLICATION (still) PENDING
- local politics: NULL, homeless situation correctly one of the main foci
- global politics: NULL, wait - Justin is dating Katy? Nice.