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<p align="right"><font size="6">[[Transition|<font face="Consolas, Courier new">claytoncastle.com</font> •  T R A N S I T I O N]]</font></p>
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=[[2020.01.24 Why I Do This]]=
=[[2026.03.14 Might MAGA Kickstart EVs?]]=
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A recent scientific journal discussing a possible [https://journals.aps.org/prl/abstract/10.1103/PhysRevLett.124.018101 "Fundamental Law of Memory Recall"] is a rare piece of mathematical application to a neurobiological functionThe formula of:
The immense orange MAGA bobblehead, by starting a war with Iran, is obviously idiotic and insane. For all the reasons that they claim, none of them make any sense nor are likely to work out they way they want to.  But one, beyond all the others, rang in my head the most hilariously.  If you'll pardon my gen-X laughter at something so wrong.


R=√3πM/2
The claim was that, at the end of all this (like there's any exit strategy at all), that the US will "finally have energy independence".  Meanwhile, having the global oil, natural gas, and fertilizer supply destabilized in this way is going to make that horribly untrue before anything else.  More than just fuel prices, everything else but especially food prices are going to spike for a while.


It's a prediction for the average number of memory items recalled (R) out of M items in (human) memory.
But the hilarious part is the re-realization that all fossil fuel reliances are fundamentally fragile.  I say "re-realization" because this was itself pretty evident after the cold war and the oil embargo of the 70's - but some boomers are too stupid to remembers lessons we've already learned.  Apparently.


To have the experimentally-verified performance of human memory based on theoretical neuron function is, for me, reason to pausePartially for the sense of uneasiness I have with it being that easy or deterministicBut more for the reinforcement of the grave limitations of human memory.
So instead of doing it to save the world from global warming, which we've clearly failed to do, we might at least stop actively fucking it up quite so much once people start nationalistically embracing renewable energyEspecially the renewables that they can have right in their own country - especially countries that have sunshine or windWait, isn't that all of them?  Why, yes.  Yes it is.
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=[[2026.03.06 Pecha Kucha Money Shot]]=
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This article is purely about simple recall.  But it is also probably true that every time we remember something, we are actually re-writing those memories.  It makes for a worrisome loss of fidelity.
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Coincidentally, I have had reason to do a lot of reason to re-read portions of this blog/wikiThe mostly-stable artifice of what I manage to set into these writings have some very keenly-feel importance to meThere is a lot of my experiences that I would have never been able to summon well any other way.  Even though - and this is a crucial discovery for me today - the sense I had when I was writing some of them was that they were just time-filling expressions near-apathy.  The way I was oblivious to the value of some of those moments in my face at that time is interesting.
=[[2026.02.27 Toys]]=
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I like toysEspecially carsThey're fun for me because driving them becomes an extension of myself.


Of course, even more cherished, are the times I did have big feelings - and I wrote them down as best I couldThe fidelity that they come back to life is... priceless.
Today I was followed into the parking garage at work by a fellow in a gen-3 Mazda RX-7 - a pretty epic toy from the turn of the millennium.  And I got to chatting with the German driver as we walked out, and learned that it was his dream carTo hear him talk about driving it, and how it exceeded his expectations not because of how good it was but because of all its faults being unimportant and highlighting what he cared about while driving. Very cool, brief conversation.


Also: the D&D books and kaiju miniature we backed [checks watch] about 2 years ago finally showed up.
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=[[2020.01.20 D&D Family Time]]=
=[[2026.01.17 Dad Thoughts Evolved For Today]]=
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So, I've written a bunch of Rants about my dad. Some as I realized he was mortal - which was a weird realization to experience as a rational being. More immediately when he died to metabolize my grief, and others over a period of a decade afterwards.  Many of those were reminiscences of childhood defining experiences and mythologies for my own catharsis, and with burgeoning hopes of there being a way for my kids to know something of him.
 
I think he would have really liked them both.  They have a lot of different parts of him, and his mom.
 
Except doubts bubble up from the corners of my memory.  And I find myself working through extrapolations of the son-ward facets I could see into the person he might have actually been.
 
Obviously, my dad was pretty cool.  And I don't just mean that in the idol-worship way sons have for their fathers - which I kind of do - but also he seemed to have an effortless way of making people want to be his friend.  I don't actually know where he fit in the Letterkenny Spectrum as kid - hick, skid, or jock (definitely not a native or a christian, or Québécois for that matter nor a degen from up-country).  But the vast majority of people I saw him encounter already knew him, or of him, and respected him if not overtly expressing happiness at seeing him.
 
All of which I couch as being the basis for assuming that he was pretty comfortable in our pasty-white mostly monoculture small-town circumstances.  That sort of comfort breeds a sense of confirmation about one's own cultural identity.


Simon has been playing Dungeons & Dragons for about a year now, and it has been a hoot to watch him flourish in these imaginary realmsBut now we have been playing a D&D adventure to include Violet, since we have frequent bouts of Dad+kids time and there's only so many walks through the neighbourhood they're willing to take me on.
And, honestly, while my dad was great at talking philosophy with me - especially about the why of things - whenever topics of other places or peoples came up he was consistently dismissive and unkindAnd occasionally overtly racist, and sometimes simply xenophobic.


The shining hope has been to give them a setting that rewards cooperation, while letting Violet transition her massive imaginative play into a more interactive modePlus the bonus of there being reading, writing, and math for her to practiceAll while getting to share some exciting times together and bond.
Over the past decade, I've worried about how my boomer dad might have responded to the weird right-wing stumble of western civilizationIf I try to comfort myself with how he was smart and would be disgusted by the stupid lies, it's hard to deny the persuasive power that hate has had over peopleEspecially boomers.


The reality has been a bit more challenging.  Simon gets impatient and wants to do everything, which drives Violet to slump back and let the game happen to the point where her mind wanders off into her own imagination.  We're still managing to have fun, and Violet is gamely tackling the math thrown her way, but attention span is definitely limited.
It occurred to me to try to talk my hypothetical conservative father away from the lure of fascism, but it just hurts my heart too much to think about it too much.


Additionally, Simon's strong feelings still overwhelm him regularly.  While they are disruptive, it is definitely an opportunity to engage him about them, away from the shaming exposure of his usual gaming cohort.  And as long as we manage to keep things fun, I think Violet seeing her has-it-easy older brother working on things will help her feel emboldened to work on her things too.
But then I imagine how he'd react to his grandkids both being non-binary and fabulous.


What I forgot about was the way in which role-playing opens a window into your fellow players which allows a kind of understanding not normally accessible through usual social interactionI really love being able to keep a relevant insight into who my kids are, and I hope I can leverage this for a long, long time.
The deepest well of my hope is that he would have spent a lot of time knowing them all through their lives and see how their development into who they are becoming is a lovely and natural extrapolation of the brilliant and lovely potential they've always hadAnd that his love for them would ease any struggling conservative confusion he might experience so that he could be the same cool and inspirational patriarch for them that he was for me and my sister.
 
That doesn't change the fear that he would have not been as close, or as accepting.  And that fear sits on my heart.
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=[[2020.01.12 Thoughts On Iran]]=
=[[2026.01.09 Men With Hats]]=
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Just to state up front, I recognize that Iran's leadership is arguably one of the worst actors in the globe with respect to supporting acts of terror and violence. But a people is not it's leadership, especially in a mostly-totalitarian theocratic regime.
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In the wake of the seemingly-arbitrary US missile attack to kill Qasem Soleimani, there was worry that the main effect would be to galvanize the progressive segments of Iranians into supporting nationalistic anti-US jingoism.  And indeed they did swear retaliation.  But that retaliation came in the form of 6 hours of advance warning, and resulted in no loss of human life.  It struck me as being incredibly, well, civilized.
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Then there's the horrific shooting down of a civilian airliner with anti-aircraft missiles, killing a bunch of Canadians. If this had happened in another country, (like, for example, Russia) it would have been denial layered with no response at all. Instead, after a small delay, Iran admitted to the act and apologized.  Even though it may make them lose some internal political coherency, and give fodder to their enemies propaganda machinesBut it is the act of a coherent member of the world stage, and I think it will serve them better in the long run.
=[[2026.01.02 First Day Of The New Job]]=
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Sadly, my epic new seat was not ready to set upSo I just admired the view for a minute - both out the across the river, and into my director's office at the giant Millenium Falcon LEGO set.
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=[[2020.01.03 "I Know"]]=
=[[2025.12.30 - 2025 Wrap-Up]]=
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Went and re-watched <i>STAR WARS: Rise Of Skywalker</i> with Simon, this time in IMAX 3D, and saw a bunch of new detail with this watchingBut one piece of dialogue stands out.
==Fredmas Crash==
On the wet and rainy morning of Fredmas, Ember and Violet were commuting to Hillsdale for school when they were the tail-end of a 5-car pile-up.  Speeds were modest, and the 2018 Subaru Impreza did all the safety-engineered things to sacrifice itself such that neither kid was injured in any way.
 
Communication was not stellar, but Violet managed to let us know right away.  So without actually having all the details up front, Amy and I knew they had a problem and could see that they were in the middle of the Fremont freeway bridge and jumped into Velma to go help.  When we showed up they were the only ones there - shivering in the rain on the side of the freeway.  Amy onboarded the kids to drive them the rest of the way SW, and I stayed in the shivering sideways rain for a couple hours with the wreck to wait for the tow truck.  Fun times.
 
Some lessons learned, and Ember has yet to get back in that saddle.  Scheming about how to proceed with commuter vehicle plans is still ongoing.  It seems like a logical time and place to make a plug for the replacement to be an EV, but probably shouldn't push too hard.  Because reasons.
 
==Work Transformations==
December as a whole has been weird with trying to finish handing work batons to their new responsible engineers.  It's been the longest that I've been in any group - 10 years! - and recognize that it's going to be a long time to ever fully extricate myself.
 
At the same time, the new Vehicle Level Engineering role is both exciting and boggling.  Frankly, it's a lot.
 
Simultaneously, Amy is changing shifts to stop the 5 12-hour shifts in 6 days marathon every couple weeks and jumping into 3 shifts every week with her best non-Clayton friend.  We're all very excited for the shift in energy.
 
==Other Stuff==
This winter break had been bookmarked for a bunch of reading and writing plans, all of which have basically unravelled as I'm actually spending most of my time just mouth-breathing my way through the exhausting cold/flu that Ember gave me.
 
Now that the kids are back, I do intend to inflict all kinds of old but beloved movies on them.  So there's thatThere's also a butt-tonne of sugary foods from all the sources to keep me overfed while I quietly lament how few bike rides I actually went on this year.


Way back in <i>EMPIRE</i>, Han Solo famously responded to Leia's "I love you" with "I know".  A bit of dialogue that was later reversed in <i>JEDI</i>.  This tidbit makes me think that it was being directly referenced in <i>RISE</i> when Han Solo appears to his son, Ben Solo.
So it goes.


The moment when Ben says, very uncharacterstically, "Dad..."<br>
Things I'm looking forward to in 2026:
Then there is a pause and Han Solo says, "I know."
* bunches of Amy+Clayton adventure time regularly
* diving into a dream job (should probably write a separate post about that thought alone)
* defeating fascism


I like to think this means that, in the idiom of their family, Ben told his dad that he loved him.
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=[[2020.01.03 Hello 2020]]=
=[[2025.11.30 Movember]]=
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I've already made the pun to Simon about 2020 being a year of improved vision; he was not impressed.
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But it is certainly true that after the Great Sorting of feelings and directions in 2019, the holiday season has allowed for a great deal of peace to be unfolded over most of my lifeAnd nurtured in that space there are many plans unfolding, with a certain sense of optimism.
Not my best effort.  I suspect that the grey makes it incrementally less impressivePlus I kept trimming to avoid poking Amy so much, and the surrounding scruff softens the effect even more.


Life is good.
Gone now, but not missed.  Other than the daily startle of seeing my dad in the mirror.
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=[[2019.12.24 The Joy of Violet]]=
=[[2025.10.18 No Kings]]=
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This whole half year has been a time of stress and difficulty, weighed down by many things that are sad.  All of us in the Castle family are feeling the effects, and try to be mindful of themOne of the hardest parts is the worry about how the changes to our family will affect our quality of life.  It has the insidious effect of making our own sadness exacerbated by having to witness the manifestations of sadness on our people.
40,000 people in Portland sending a clear message.   


But then there's Violet.  Yes, she is sad, and unsure, and affected as the rest of the family.  Yet she is also such a fundamentally happy person, that she will tend to revert to playing, and skipping, and humming with her usual overflowing innocent joy.  The bright bloom of her regular happiness is the most magical gift, and I treasure it.
Awkwardly, the current administration has also been sending a clear, fascist message.
 
Thank you, for being you, Violet.
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=[[2019.12.18 Fredmas]]=
=[[2025.10.04 Federal Troops In Portland]]=
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I was asked by an important new person in my life, "What do we need to do special for Fredmas?"
It's really weird.  Just, you know, profoundly weird.


It made me pause, because in typical Marshall McLuhan-ian fashion, I had always sort of just assumed that the very existence of Fredmas was sufficient to convey the important honouring functionBut a more pragmatic answer was needed.
Acknowledging for a moment the footage from 2020 looked bad - as shown on cable news.  But even then that was basically constrained to a couple blocks downtown for actual protestsMeanwhile there were other simultaneous marches about police brutality throughout the city that were completely peaceful and not newsworthy.


So I said,
I suppose that if one were to conflate the "hundred days of protest" in 2020 with the rising homelessness problem, one could squint and see the folks cowering in tents and vehicles and pretend there's a direct connection of some kind.  I mean, other than the systematic violence done to the worker class both strip mining us for wealth and trying to overtly pit us against each other.
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<big>"It's a day to be like Fred CastleEnjoy working, savour playing and relaxing, bury all complaints under sarcastic wit."</big>
But in context of what is actually happening right now - which amounts to a group of 6-16 people regularly taunting ICE agents at a single building - it's wildly disproportional.  Especially with the Portland Police Department stating, in court, that all the altercations they have evidence for so far are mainly cases of untrained federal agents trying to instigate meme-worthy moments with the peaceful protestors.
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So the federal activation of 200 National Guard to "pacify Portland" is, well, purely for show.
 
Which makes Portland's main reaction one that endears this city to me even more: to be sillyDressing up in harmless costumes, dancing, and handing out cookies.  Doing whatever it takes to make the video bites nearly impossible to weaponize politically, as the fascists so clearly desire.
 
And to the person in the inflatable costume that had the inlet of their suit sprayed with pepper spray: I hope you are OK.  As much as that must have sucked, and possibly could have caused serious medical repercussions, you embodied the shallow idiocy of their position.  In no way could a bumbling inflatable costume be considered a threat, and to assault you was to show the cowardly and loathsome depth of their antisocial motivations. 
 
To the federal fucknugget that used pepper spray on an obviously-harmless person in an inflatable costume: Now we all know why you have no real friends and your life is empty of meaning.  You obviously don't belong in Portland.
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=[[2019.12.17 Complete Classic Sayings]]=
=[[2025.09.17 Bertrand Russell On Fascism]]=
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Saw a Tumblr thread on this that reminded me of how much I like the original versions, and have an emotional annoyance with the popularly-remembered shorter versions.
As mentioned on BoingBoing today:<br>
In 1962, Sir Oswald Mosley, leader of the British Union of Fascists, invited Nobel-winning philosopher Bertrand Russell to a debate. Mosley aimed to persuade Russell of fascism's merits.
 
Russell, who was 89 at the time, replied:


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==Curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought it back.==
==The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.==
==Jack of all trades, master of none, but better than master of one.==
==Great minds think alike, but fools rarely differ.==
==Birds of a feather flock together - until the cat comes.==
==The early bird catches the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.==
==Love of money is the root of all kinds of evil.==
==If you starve a cold, you'll have to feed a fever.==
==My country, right or wrong; if right, to be kept right; and if wrong to be set right.==
==Rome wasn't built in a day, but it burned in one.==


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Dear Sir Oswald,


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Thank you for your letter and for your enclosures. I have given some thought to our recent correspondence. It is always difficult to decide on how to respond to people whose ethos is so alien and, in fact, repellent to one's own. It is not that I take exception to the general points made by you but that every ounce of my energy has been devoted to an active opposition to cruel bigotry, compulsive violence, and the sadistic persecution which has characterised the philosophy and practice of fascism.


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I feel obliged to say that the emotional universes we inhabit are so distinct, and in deepest ways opposed, that nothing fruitful or sincere could ever emerge from association between us.


=[[2019.12.13 Ode To Joy]]=
I should like you to understand the intensity of this conviction on my part. It is not out of any attempt to be rude that I say this but because of all that I value in human experience and human achievement.
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Fridays are now my one school-day morning with the kids, so today we all landed at the Chestnut House ready for heading to school. With about 20 minutes to fill before the expected arrival of their walk-to-school buddies (the Dobratz kids), Simon decided it would be a good time to practice his flute.


So he breaks out his flute and his nifty new budget music stand, spreads out his music book, and starts tiptoeing through Beethoven's <i>Ode To Joy</i>.
Yours sincerely,


My heart immediately clasped and tears sprung to my eyes.  Violet was skipping nearby, and I swept her up into a hug and squeezed her and let my tears dampen her hair.  When he paused to take a breath, I did the same to Simon.  Hell, I had to pause writing this because recalling it made me choke up anew.
Bertrand Russell
 
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This music has always affected me profoundly.  Which is why I had it played as the recessional for S and my's wedding - another layer of the feels to mingle in.  It's good to find the threads of joy in the midst of all the difficulty these days.
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=[[2019.12.10 Simon: "...Hey Dad."]]=
=[[2025.08.15 If Not Stupid, Then Why Stupid-Shaped?]]=
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Simon got sick at school yesterday.  He started feeling not well, and went to the bathroom.  There, he started feeling even worse, and so he called me on his watch-phone.
Seriously, there is so much political stupidity going on.
 
It appeared on my phone as a number not in my contacts, so I answered with my standard: "Engineering.  Clayton here."
 
When I heard the sad, timid "...Hey Dad" I immediately knew it was Simon and that he was distressed.  My black little heart leapt up into my throat with worry, especially when he paused to throw up.


I instinctively reassured him immediately"Hang on kiddo!  I'll be there as fast as I can!"
ETA:<br>
Examples?  Hell noIt would be like admitting a vampire into your home to post anything like a meaningful set.


Except I had walked to work yesterday.  And I still had a tonne of work to do.  So I jammed my laptop into a bag, and sprinted up the hill to my apartment where Ghost was parked (making record time - should have Strava'd it). 
If there is permitted to be accurate news and history recorded of this era, simple searches will reveal enough to explain.
 
As I hustled up the hill, I felt a further wash of appreciation for how much I like the fact that he reached out to me in his moment of need.  It settled in a fundamentally certain place in my soul: I will always be there for Simon and Violet.
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=[[2019.11.25 Guess I'm Ready Now]]=
=[[2025.06.25 Corporate Culture]]=
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Three months ago I was still not ready to discuss my divorce on this mediumBut it's been a long year of discussing all this stuff with people, so I suppose it's about time to open up my processing on this here too.
Big changes at workNot going to talk about that overly much - it's too boring to even write out.


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BUT.  An aspect I find interesting is who is excited about these major changes, and who is worried about them. 
[[:Category:Divorce|Stories/Divorce]]
 
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Now, obviously, both reactions are simultaneously valid and possible.  I feel both myself.  But whether the excitement is more important compared to the various individual level of concern does speak to where many of us are.  Which, in turn, is strongly indicative of the sense of trust we have with the company - or our sense of trust in ourselves to offset any lack of trust in the company we have.
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In high school, I would have declared "PSYCHE!"  But really this is just a reserved spot for sneaking in commentary aimed at the curious. Sort of like a turtle.
RESISTANCE STATUS:
 
* US citizenship:  APPLICATION (still) PENDING
* local politics:  NULL, homeless situation correctly one of the main foci
* global politics: NULL, wait - Justin is dating Katy? Nice.
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Latest revision as of 22:06, 14 March 2026

claytoncastle.com



2026.03.14 Might MAGA Kickstart EVs?

The immense orange MAGA bobblehead, by starting a war with Iran, is obviously idiotic and insane. For all the reasons that they claim, none of them make any sense nor are likely to work out they way they want to. But one, beyond all the others, rang in my head the most hilariously. If you'll pardon my gen-X laughter at something so wrong.

The claim was that, at the end of all this (like there's any exit strategy at all), that the US will "finally have energy independence". Meanwhile, having the global oil, natural gas, and fertilizer supply destabilized in this way is going to make that horribly untrue before anything else. More than just fuel prices, everything else but especially food prices are going to spike for a while.

But the hilarious part is the re-realization that all fossil fuel reliances are fundamentally fragile. I say "re-realization" because this was itself pretty evident after the cold war and the oil embargo of the 70's - but some boomers are too stupid to remembers lessons we've already learned. Apparently.

So instead of doing it to save the world from global warming, which we've clearly failed to do, we might at least stop actively fucking it up quite so much once people start nationalistically embracing renewable energy. Especially the renewables that they can have right in their own country - especially countries that have sunshine or wind. Wait, isn't that all of them? Why, yes. Yes it is.

2026.03.06 Pecha Kucha Money Shot

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2026.02.27 Toys

I like toys. Especially cars. They're fun for me because driving them becomes an extension of myself.

Today I was followed into the parking garage at work by a fellow in a gen-3 Mazda RX-7 - a pretty epic toy from the turn of the millennium. And I got to chatting with the German driver as we walked out, and learned that it was his dream car. To hear him talk about driving it, and how it exceeded his expectations not because of how good it was but because of all its faults being unimportant and highlighting what he cared about while driving. Very cool, brief conversation.

Also: the D&D books and kaiju miniature we backed [checks watch] about 2 years ago finally showed up.


2026.01.17 Dad Thoughts Evolved For Today

So, I've written a bunch of Rants about my dad. Some as I realized he was mortal - which was a weird realization to experience as a rational being. More immediately when he died to metabolize my grief, and others over a period of a decade afterwards. Many of those were reminiscences of childhood defining experiences and mythologies for my own catharsis, and with burgeoning hopes of there being a way for my kids to know something of him.

I think he would have really liked them both. They have a lot of different parts of him, and his mom.

Except doubts bubble up from the corners of my memory. And I find myself working through extrapolations of the son-ward facets I could see into the person he might have actually been.

Obviously, my dad was pretty cool. And I don't just mean that in the idol-worship way sons have for their fathers - which I kind of do - but also he seemed to have an effortless way of making people want to be his friend. I don't actually know where he fit in the Letterkenny Spectrum as kid - hick, skid, or jock (definitely not a native or a christian, or Québécois for that matter nor a degen from up-country). But the vast majority of people I saw him encounter already knew him, or of him, and respected him if not overtly expressing happiness at seeing him.

All of which I couch as being the basis for assuming that he was pretty comfortable in our pasty-white mostly monoculture small-town circumstances. That sort of comfort breeds a sense of confirmation about one's own cultural identity.

And, honestly, while my dad was great at talking philosophy with me - especially about the why of things - whenever topics of other places or peoples came up he was consistently dismissive and unkind. And occasionally overtly racist, and sometimes simply xenophobic.

Over the past decade, I've worried about how my boomer dad might have responded to the weird right-wing stumble of western civilization. If I try to comfort myself with how he was smart and would be disgusted by the stupid lies, it's hard to deny the persuasive power that hate has had over people. Especially boomers.

It occurred to me to try to talk my hypothetical conservative father away from the lure of fascism, but it just hurts my heart too much to think about it too much.

But then I imagine how he'd react to his grandkids both being non-binary and fabulous.

The deepest well of my hope is that he would have spent a lot of time knowing them all through their lives and see how their development into who they are becoming is a lovely and natural extrapolation of the brilliant and lovely potential they've always had. And that his love for them would ease any struggling conservative confusion he might experience so that he could be the same cool and inspirational patriarch for them that he was for me and my sister.

That doesn't change the fear that he would have not been as close, or as accepting. And that fear sits on my heart.


2026.01.09 Men With Hats

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2026.01.02 First Day Of The New Job

Sadly, my epic new seat was not ready to set up. So I just admired the view for a minute - both out the across the river, and into my director's office at the giant Millenium Falcon LEGO set.


2025.12.30 - 2025 Wrap-Up

Fredmas Crash

On the wet and rainy morning of Fredmas, Ember and Violet were commuting to Hillsdale for school when they were the tail-end of a 5-car pile-up. Speeds were modest, and the 2018 Subaru Impreza did all the safety-engineered things to sacrifice itself such that neither kid was injured in any way.

Communication was not stellar, but Violet managed to let us know right away. So without actually having all the details up front, Amy and I knew they had a problem and could see that they were in the middle of the Fremont freeway bridge and jumped into Velma to go help. When we showed up they were the only ones there - shivering in the rain on the side of the freeway. Amy onboarded the kids to drive them the rest of the way SW, and I stayed in the shivering sideways rain for a couple hours with the wreck to wait for the tow truck. Fun times.

Some lessons learned, and Ember has yet to get back in that saddle. Scheming about how to proceed with commuter vehicle plans is still ongoing. It seems like a logical time and place to make a plug for the replacement to be an EV, but probably shouldn't push too hard. Because reasons.

Work Transformations

December as a whole has been weird with trying to finish handing work batons to their new responsible engineers. It's been the longest that I've been in any group - 10 years! - and recognize that it's going to be a long time to ever fully extricate myself.

At the same time, the new Vehicle Level Engineering role is both exciting and boggling. Frankly, it's a lot.

Simultaneously, Amy is changing shifts to stop the 5 12-hour shifts in 6 days marathon every couple weeks and jumping into 3 shifts every week with her best non-Clayton friend. We're all very excited for the shift in energy.

Other Stuff

This winter break had been bookmarked for a bunch of reading and writing plans, all of which have basically unravelled as I'm actually spending most of my time just mouth-breathing my way through the exhausting cold/flu that Ember gave me.

Now that the kids are back, I do intend to inflict all kinds of old but beloved movies on them. So there's that. There's also a butt-tonne of sugary foods from all the sources to keep me overfed while I quietly lament how few bike rides I actually went on this year.

So it goes.

Things I'm looking forward to in 2026:

  • bunches of Amy+Clayton adventure time regularly
  • diving into a dream job (should probably write a separate post about that thought alone)
  • defeating fascism


2025.11.30 Movember

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Not my best effort. I suspect that the grey makes it incrementally less impressive. Plus I kept trimming to avoid poking Amy so much, and the surrounding scruff softens the effect even more.

Gone now, but not missed. Other than the daily startle of seeing my dad in the mirror.


2025.10.18 No Kings

40,000 people in Portland sending a clear message.

Awkwardly, the current administration has also been sending a clear, fascist message.


2025.10.04 Federal Troops In Portland

It's really weird. Just, you know, profoundly weird.

Acknowledging for a moment the footage from 2020 looked bad - as shown on cable news. But even then that was basically constrained to a couple blocks downtown for actual protests. Meanwhile there were other simultaneous marches about police brutality throughout the city that were completely peaceful and not newsworthy.

I suppose that if one were to conflate the "hundred days of protest" in 2020 with the rising homelessness problem, one could squint and see the folks cowering in tents and vehicles and pretend there's a direct connection of some kind. I mean, other than the systematic violence done to the worker class both strip mining us for wealth and trying to overtly pit us against each other.

But in context of what is actually happening right now - which amounts to a group of 6-16 people regularly taunting ICE agents at a single building - it's wildly disproportional. Especially with the Portland Police Department stating, in court, that all the altercations they have evidence for so far are mainly cases of untrained federal agents trying to instigate meme-worthy moments with the peaceful protestors.

So the federal activation of 200 National Guard to "pacify Portland" is, well, purely for show.

Which makes Portland's main reaction one that endears this city to me even more: to be silly. Dressing up in harmless costumes, dancing, and handing out cookies. Doing whatever it takes to make the video bites nearly impossible to weaponize politically, as the fascists so clearly desire.

And to the person in the inflatable costume that had the inlet of their suit sprayed with pepper spray: I hope you are OK. As much as that must have sucked, and possibly could have caused serious medical repercussions, you embodied the shallow idiocy of their position. In no way could a bumbling inflatable costume be considered a threat, and to assault you was to show the cowardly and loathsome depth of their antisocial motivations.

To the federal fucknugget that used pepper spray on an obviously-harmless person in an inflatable costume: Now we all know why you have no real friends and your life is empty of meaning. You obviously don't belong in Portland.


2025.09.17 Bertrand Russell On Fascism

As mentioned on BoingBoing today:
In 1962, Sir Oswald Mosley, leader of the British Union of Fascists, invited Nobel-winning philosopher Bertrand Russell to a debate. Mosley aimed to persuade Russell of fascism's merits.

Russell, who was 89 at the time, replied:

Dear Sir Oswald,

Thank you for your letter and for your enclosures. I have given some thought to our recent correspondence. It is always difficult to decide on how to respond to people whose ethos is so alien and, in fact, repellent to one's own. It is not that I take exception to the general points made by you but that every ounce of my energy has been devoted to an active opposition to cruel bigotry, compulsive violence, and the sadistic persecution which has characterised the philosophy and practice of fascism.

I feel obliged to say that the emotional universes we inhabit are so distinct, and in deepest ways opposed, that nothing fruitful or sincere could ever emerge from association between us.

I should like you to understand the intensity of this conviction on my part. It is not out of any attempt to be rude that I say this but because of all that I value in human experience and human achievement.

Yours sincerely,

Bertrand Russell


2025.08.15 If Not Stupid, Then Why Stupid-Shaped?

Seriously, there is so much political stupidity going on.

ETA:
Examples? Hell no. It would be like admitting a vampire into your home to post anything like a meaningful set.

If there is permitted to be accurate news and history recorded of this era, simple searches will reveal enough to explain.


2025.06.25 Corporate Culture

Big changes at work. Not going to talk about that overly much - it's too boring to even write out.

BUT. An aspect I find interesting is who is excited about these major changes, and who is worried about them.

Now, obviously, both reactions are simultaneously valid and possible. I feel both myself. But whether the excitement is more important compared to the various individual level of concern does speak to where many of us are. Which, in turn, is strongly indicative of the sense of trust we have with the company - or our sense of trust in ourselves to offset any lack of trust in the company we have.













































































































RESISTANCE STATUS:

  • US citizenship: APPLICATION (still) PENDING
  • local politics: NULL, homeless situation correctly one of the main foci
  • global politics: NULL, wait - Justin is dating Katy? Nice.