2:03 NSG - Falling In Love

After the legendary first date, I leveraged every spare moment I could negotiate into spending time with NSG.

As I wrangle with contemplation of this, I recognize how there is no meaning in trying to do so chronologically. What I felt we both recognized as a "brilliant impossibility of us" from the very start set the tone for the fear I had to hold, as I negotiated from moment-to-moment all the magic I discovered being with NSG. In the context of seeing that fear from the beginning, I decided with clear and conscious deliberation to be vulnerable to breaking my heart for the sake of connecting with NSG.

The fascination I felt, beholding up close and intimately, all of how she comports her fully-integrated internal and external worlds is beautiful beyond words. Her soul is a carefully-tended mosaic of scars that is still fragile, but bravely persistent and dauntless in its love of life. The way she honours herself, and trusts herself, despite a chorus of internal and external voices trying to impede her equilibrium - it is something I am fumbling to emulate ever since witnessing it.

Little snapshots of enchanting joy abounded. A long walk with her dog one night, where we found our innermost secret selves pouring out to each other, and held by each other. A remarkable encounter with a territorial owl making multiple ghostly flybys, as an avatar of our otherworldly connection. Curled up in comforting embraces, letting each other feel like we belong. Discovering that we have the same utilitarian hands, and how they reflect our aligned engagement with the world.

But the fundamental core of the experience was a shimmering frozen moment of her open affection. A natural tendency to be closed and suspicious and defended was suspended in a way that she expressed surprise in for herself. The wonder of it was evident in all aspects of this time together, and I instinctively cherished it. It let her regard me with a warmth and interest that was more than just abundant and nourishing. It sluiced into a vast chasm inside myself that I didn't even recognize had been hollowed out, echoing with delightful rediscovery of how much I desperately want to be adored.

That lingering week-long moment of open affection felt like the kind of fitting together I have always dreamt of. I will never forget having fallen in love with the Nerdy Sex Goddess.