2025.04.16 Bandwidth

How many things am I doing right now?
[loses count]

OK, let me re-phrase that: How many things am I actually engaging in right now?
Uh, looks like 5. 1) listening into a technical staff meeting that my designs are involved in but I'm not the responsible engineer, 2) updating a related "concerns" list for the same project, 3) answering a question from a colleague, 4) considering coordinated plans with Amy for after work, and 5) self-soothing by venting here.

Why the heck am I doing #5 in context of all the other things I'm "theoretically" doing?
Honestly, #5 is a result of failing to additionally do any of the countless other things in my queue.

Wouldn't it make more sense to just trim down the number of things to a less-impossible degree?
Everything is already triaged by urgency and by consequences of inaction, but honestly none of the things that persist in my queue are neglectable. Adulting is a fucking trip, man.

Delegate?
Holy fucking shit, you would not believe the breadth of additional taskage is enthusiastically punted to others when and how I can.

Am I sure I am working on the most important things?
Oh, I can essentially guarantee that I'm not doing the most important things right now. The awkward caveat being that the TSM is non-optional, so that process debt is sunk. So the other 4 are all things that I can also do while half-attending and staying ready to contribute if my expertise is needed. Most of my actual important tasks take my full attention, and the hard truth is that finding sufficient stretches of time that I can focus on hard topics is difficult with my schedule.

Good thing I'm self-soothing here.
Except, of course, for actual recovery I need to be doing nothing for chunks of time. Alas.

Woo! TSM over!
[flees to do more stuff]