2016.12.18 Fredmas
Hello Dad. Happy theoretical 71st birthday. I talked a lot about you today to your granddaughter, Violet, today as we went for a walk through the (laughable) Portland snow. She doesn't really understand why she can't meet you, but I think you would agree that if you met her you would see a lot of yourself in her.
There's a new Star Wars movie out, and I just went to see it. While it continued the series theme of not painting fathers in particularly glowing terms, this was the first one that avoided having magical Jedi dancing in the spotlight being all special. Without that central distraction, it's easier to see how much gets done by a whole lot of people just busting their asses and doing what they can. It was really cool; I think you would have liked it.
This is where I smile with a thoughtful pause. The usual timing where you would have complained about me not speaking quite clearly enough, and too quickly. I never thought to ask you if your hearing had been damaged; I was just too embarrassed by how my shyness could seem to manifest as a speech impediment.
I know that you did not work at the pulp mill because that was your dream or anything. But I do know that you were proud of the work that you did. Because you were always proud of the work that you did - that was simply how you went about working. And being. In your mind, work just had to be done. Doing good work was better. Getting paid well for doing good work was best. Doing something you enjoyed was never much of an issue for you. I've tried to be similar in that way, except that I cheated a bit and found a way to do work that was perhaps fundamentally easier to enjoy. Because I'm lazy like that. Which, helpfully, is part of what makes me good at what I do.
There was also some poignant sacrifices the characters made in the movie (Rogue One) that I think would have struck a nerve with you. Oh, yeah, I've been metaphorically tying this into talking about the movie all along that last paragraph. By the way. Anyway, I think the self-sacrifices would have been appreciated by you mostly because of the old movies we both tended to gravitate towards that often had similar themes. But perhaps I am just projecting. Luckily, that's my prerogative as the main teller of tales of Fred.
So, in a few years, when I watch Rogue One with Violet (and her big brother Simon), I'll undoubtedly mention these thoughts about you at the same time. Partially to honour you, but mostly to think about these kinds of thoughts out loud like you did so that they can think about them with me, the way I did with you. Except, you know, I'll try to speak clearly.