2015.12.29 Who Are We Today
Looking askance at the title I picked, it's hard not to imagine that this is perhaps yet another in my ongoing series of rambling lecture-like psycho-social contemplations.
But no! It's worse. It's yet another in my ongoing series of rambling lecture-like piles of sentimentality. This is me reflecting on my immediate family as of the end of 2015.
Yeah, I know. But keep in mind that I'm mostly writing this for myself (my favourite audience).
Violet
My daughter is a quixotic little bundle of pure will. It does not bode well for me in a decade or so. Much of my interaction with her is rather primitive - getting her to eat, getting her to sleep, getting her bathed, getting her dressed, failing to get her potty trained. You get the idea.
She is demanding, but oddly not for the demanding's sake. Unlike her brother, who at this same age used every concession as a stepping stone to an even greater negotiation. We learned quickly not to reinforce any of his arbitrary demands. Violet, however, has perhaps figured us out better. She's learned that, by being apparently completely satisfied by the one thing she demands, it makes us much more likely to acquiesce. Devious little beastie, or perhaps genuinely that focussed on the present while also perceptive enough to actually know what she wants.
But, if you spend any time with Violet, you soon realize that she is a creature of tremendous imagination. When unguarded, she is in a near-constant state of role-play. We are always pleased to see "baby dragon", because the baby dragon version of Violet is resiliently happy. But that's just one cute facet of the complicated interplay she uses to intertwine reality and fantasy. It makes me incredibly proud, and feel a profound sense of connection with her.
We have not been as overbearingly insistent on focussing on developmental goals with Violet as we were with her older brother. Perhaps this is us relaxing with a 2nd child. Or perhaps this is an aftershock of Violet's worrisome delay with gross motor skills. But a few times now, through unsolicited feats of recited memorization or abductive reasoning, I've had a glimpse of how brightly intelligent she might be.
More than anything else, Violet is joy.
She spends most of her time happily imagining happy things, and infecting everyone who can regard her with happiness. She's not overtly social, though certainly better-balanced than either her brother or myself around others. Yet it is a joy to be near her.
Simon
It is hard for me to see Simon clearly; I see and project so much of myself in him. One thing is clear though: he's awesome.
Fiercely smart, he shreds chapter books as a way to relax after toying with math beyond what he's been taught at school. The only reason why it took him more than one day to finish 2000 pieces of LEGO™ building was because his mother and I kept interrupting him. He excels at making his geek dad feel proud. And, thankfully, largely in ways that I get to engage with him, because he's a fun kid.
His challenges are largely the same ones I struggled with myself. Younger and smaller than his peers, tending somewhat to be shy and apprehensive, and imbued with great sensitivity. Yet he's braver than I at facing all of these. I wish I could take some credit for nurturing that and having passing on what I've learned, but it's more likely that it's just his mother in him allowing him capabilities far beyond my own.
Somehow, he manages to have a laser focus for hours while also being unable to keep a simple instruction in his head for more than three seconds. It's totally normal for kids his age to be distractible, but knowing how well he can focus makes his regular lack of focus hard to tolerate. It's like instead of a train of thought, he has a squirrel of thought. Except sometimes it's obvious that he just doesn't want to do something, and so develops superhuman powers of dawdling. If dawdling was an isotope, we could power a Tesla with his dawdlions (except, they'd probably refuse to interact with a generator, because squirrel). I frequently resort to bribery when single parenting; it's better than the rage-emoting I sometimes degenerate into otherwise.
I remain amazed and delighted at how much this kid loves me and likes me. It sounds stupid to say, but it is definitely a thing. While he's largely uninterested in (or oblivious to) all the ways that I toil to keep him healthy and happy, he is unabashed in his affections for me and his desire to spend time with me. It kind of makes life worth living all by itself. It also fuels a huge proportion of my future scheming for all the stuff I want to do with him.
S
My wife is a fabulous collection of conundrums. The more time I spend with her, the more I realize that there's more to understand. With every new or renewed struggle, the more I appreciate how much I fundamentally respect her and want to be with her. She's had a hard time getting her career balance and trajectory right, and she's still not there, but it's good. Her devotion and connection to our kids is deeply moving, even as she regrets not spending more time with them. She is the healthiest person I know, while spending non-trivial time worrying about her health. (Actually, I really need to learn something from that last bit.)
Basically, she is my very favourite person. And continues to become more so.
Clayton
Me? I'm just this guy, you know? Who late one night realized how much he profoundly loves his family.
Life is good.