2015.01.09 Car Snobbery
Around the middle of 2014, we changed from Cheap-With-Cheap-Sauce-2 to The Zeppelin. The reason why we changed from the previous trend of CWCS-type is simply that they were not offered. Or, rather, those cars were offered, but not as such a great deal. However, the Zeppelin-class is still in the "great deal" category, though only if you do car-math like I do.
The CWCS's were C-class with turbo-charged 2L 4-cylinder engines. Respectable, but not fantastic. The Zeppelin is an E-class with a naturally-aspirated 3.5L V6. And after being used to the C-class, the E-class felt like a boat. The extra 100 hp is evident, as is the lack of turbo lag. But the extra mass and the plusher ride make it less of a performance sedan and more of a luxury barge.
And then the company offered an awesome deal on a B-class ELECTRIC DRIVE. Which is compact yet vaguely van-like, ugly-but-useful commuter awesomeness¹. Which meant that I needed to get a scratch fixed on The Zeppelin before I exchange it.
Which brings me to the real purpose of this rant: they loaned me a new Chevy Impala to use in the mean time.
The comparison is... highly suggestive of my elevated levels of car snobbery.
Various aspects of the Chevy can be forced to make sense, if you work at it:
- over-stuffed seats completely lacking bolstering = capable of handling plus-sized occupants
- marshmallows for suspension = easily soaks up all those under-maintained roadways
- giant trunk lined with cardboard-like tray = perfect place to haul plus-sized
crapluggage (or 4 corpses) - tiny back seat = if you actually carried passengers in 'Merica you'd have an SUV (or your goons are midgets)
- gasp/RAGE engine response = because only boundary numbers matter, either MPG or 0-60 MPH times
- 4-speed automatic driving the front wheels = gears and driveshafts cost money
- meh/SCREECH brakes = hey, it's automatic, so you have to ride the brakes anyway, and modulation would be redundant
Essentially, the target demographic for the Chevy are fat people who hate to drive and have no friends.
Getting back in The Zeppelin feels awesome. Keep your damn peasant-mobiles the hell away from me.
¹ Undoubtedly more about the B-class ELECTRIC DRIVE to follow after it arrives.