2012.03.11 Gender Bias
Tomorrow, through the magic of ultrasound, we find out the gender of our soon-to-be second child. Assuming that Spawn Version 2.0 isn't intersexed, it means a conceptual crystallization of many social stereotypes - both for SV2 and our little family.
The first stereotype to address is that, generally-speaking, I seem to prefer females. Which, ironically, I don't mean to suggest that I have a visceral preference for females - I assert that my fondness for individuals is primarily a function of who I perceive them to be, usually unrelated to gender. But, objectively, I do note that I tend to gravitate towards association with females. My working theory is that my introverted nature has an easier time negotiating the Friend Zone with females than it does with the DudeBro/Rival/Friend DMZ with males. Or something like that. It doesn't change the fact that my natural associative drive is for geeks/nerds, and most of those are male (in this arbitrary slice of space-time).
Then there's the contemplation of what it has been like to be a father of a little boy. Simply put: fantastic. Figuring out the bond I share with Simon has cast a wonderfully illuminating insight on my memories of my father and of my childhood. A loop is being completed, and with it comes a satisfying sense of completeness.
With that, I am lead to contemplate my little sister. I feel like she had a lot harder childhood than I did, somehow, and that she was harder on my parents. Is there something different that we could do to let a little girl flourish? And there is the same sort of loop that S could complete with a little girl. She is a totally different sort of role model than my mother was.
But I have worries about that too. My sense is that my disconnect from my sister was more about her extroversion. Yet S has many of the same "little sister" memories and ingrained aspects; maybe that would drive a new generation of sibling conflict.
Or maybe that's just what siblings do. Maybe my postulations about possible fraternal friendliness is mostly fantasy.
I don't know. I have to admit: I'm mostly thinking about it because a rather large number of people have asked me repeatedly if I have a preference for one over the other. And I really find that I don't. Both possibilities have me eagerly excited and wearily terrified. All I know for sure is that it's hard to face falling in love without having your mind race a bit.
UPDATE: She's a girl.