2010.04.04 A Gripe About Lucas

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File:George Lucas cropped 2009 BW.jpg

George Lucas, that is.

It's not about Han shooting first. Even though, dude, Han totally shot first. Tweaking it to fit in with his renewed vision of appeal for innocents is sort of within his remit as Imperial Editor.

It's not about Jar Jar Binks. Sure, I hated Jar Jar Binks. Just like I hated the fucking Ewoks. But I realize that Jar Jar and the Ewoks weren't for me, really. There was more than enough of the stuff I loved in all six of the movies to overlook the parts that weren't meant to appeal to aging geeks.

It's not about the fact that Lucas trademarked the word "droids", or the extremely annoying fact that the word "android" that it's based on has a very specific meaning that clearly does not include beeping trash cans. Because it really is a deeply embedded and internally-consistent feature of the Star Wars universe, and I guess it sort of belongs there anyway.

It's about turning to the Dark Side.

Way back when I first watched Return of the Jedi, and Darth gravely told Luke about how the Emperor would turn him to the Dark Side, I didn't really understand how it would happen - but I didn't doubt for a moment that it was possible. Obviously - Anakin had been turned, and became twisted and evil. More machine now, than man. Blah blah blah.

"The Emperor will show you the true nature of the Force. He is your master now."

And then Luke was brought before the Emperor, and it was drenched with cinematographic menace. The Emperor removed Luke's restrains, offered him his light saber and dared the little punk to try to do something. Taunted him, even.

Good, I can feel your anger. I am defenseless. Take your weapon. Strike me down with all of your hatred and your journey towards the dark side will be complete!

It was crazy talk! What the hell would happen when Luke fired up the vorpal-electric swizzle stick and swung it at the Emperor? I had no idea. But I was utterly convinced that it was something dark, and sinister, and disturbingly powerful, and that that act would be the doom of Luke as a Jedi. And that, whatever it was, it was unspeakably cool.

Decades pass, and the hideous mystery of the Emperor's ability to turn powerful Jedi into Sith seemed poised to be revealed. The Prequels would surely climax with the transformation of Anakin Skywalker into Darth Vader. And then, finally, the gruesome and fantastic secret would be played out for me to understand. The unspeakable would be spoken.

Except It. Never. Happened.
Anakin never tried to strike down the Emperor with all of his hatred, and thus making his journey to the Dark Side complete. No, instead the idiot just bungled his relationship with his senatorial hottie, and based on some vague promises from the Emperor shrugged his shoulders and became Eeeeevil.







One of these days, after I've gotten my writing career up and running, I'm going to re-write that scene and make it the kind of cool it deserved to be.

Probably right after I re-write the Dune prequel to explain the Butlerian Jihad so that it's internally consistent with Frank Herbert's books.