2009.01.17 Adminification

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I've been a regular on the Ship of Fools bulletin boards since 2001, and was a Hellhost since 2002. Now I've been made an Admin, and find myself having difficulty expressing how significant it is to me.

But, what the hell.

Back before the beginning, I think it would be fair to describe me as being a pretty uncomplicated anti-religious sort - except that I didn't care enough to really make anything of it. My religious exposures were broad, but mostly negative. What little contempt that I could muster was mostly that the story telling was of such low caliber. Then I met Karl. We regularly had philosophical debates during our mountain bike rides, and he often had me arguing a side somewhat opposite to what I normally profess. He introduced me to the Ship of Fools, to join in a debate in Purgatory. That was the beginning.

Ah, Purgatory. My love of argument was multiplied by the eloquent diversity available there. It was really the first time I was able to understand fully how a real person could want, and need, real religion in their life. Even with my profound philosophical differences, I found that I couldn't resent them that. However, before too long, I felt like I had used up Purgatory. It was, and still is, a great place to debate new ideas. But new ideas aren't exactly all that common. So it was that I sauntered vaguely downward into Hell.

Hell made immediate sense. Not just sense - genius. It is the only place on the Ship where posters may attack each other personally, thus preventing other boards from being overtly contaminated with topic-derailing hostility. More than that, though, the one thing I love more than argument is snark. Hell is a lot of fun for me.

Becoming a Hellhost was something more, though. That a nominally christian discussion board would wish to cede any kind of power or responsibility to an antagonistic agnostic says, to me at least, a lot about their perspective and temperance. And I took to it enthusiastically. It was fun, it was fulfilling, hell, I even started developing philosophical modes of interpreting posts metaphysically. After six years of being a Hellhost, it became a deeply entrenched part of my self image.

Let's be honest about that self image, though. I'm a jerk. I like to think of myself as a bit of a discriminating jerk, though. I have a sort of code of conduct about it, but I've never really thought that anyone else necessarily agreed with me about it. My hope was that my method and mode was consistent enough that, even without actually agreeing with me about anything in particular, others would understand me.

So. Being asked to be an Admin on the Ship of Fools means that not only does a quorum of other people think they understand me, they have respect for it. It might not mean that they agree with me, necessarily, but that understanding and respect is a dearly won thing. And it means a lot to me.