2007.12.26 Boxing Day Evil

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Boxing Day 2007
Yet Another Day For Evil

I tried explaining what Boxing Day is to my American family, but I don't think I did it much justice. The only part that is likely to have implanted in any sort of permanent way is that it is yet another day that I hide from the world.

And here I am, hiding from the world. I wonder if this counts as some sort of tradition.

Some times it's harder than others to avoid thinking about the holidays in terms of Who We're Not With. It's a new issue for me, even though it's been something my wife has struggled with for some time now. I find myself regularly sliding into thinking about how precious time with my father seems, a thought that has been emphasized during his recent health adventures. Which reminds me of my myriad worries about my mother's future after he's gone. And hot on the heels of this thought is wondering if my sister can help, and wondering how she is doing. And like a hemorrhoid, the train of thought pains me with guilt about my lack of participation in the lives of my nephew and niece.

Gah. So I think about all the positive things, because there's lot of them. But it's hard to think about them exclusively without starting to wonder about their flaws. Not that the positive things aren't sufficient to make me feel like some sort of whiner if I start to feel depressed.

I don't want to brood, and I'm too cynical with reflexive problem-solving to just focus on positive thoughts. What's a guy to do?

It's a rhetorical question, because I know exactly what to do. (1)

When there's sufficient spare mental resources to be preoccupied with my mood, and there's threat of feeling sad with no good reason, and as usual I'm not inclined to be happy by direct contemplation of bliss, there's one extremely effective thing for me to do intrapsychically:

Be evil.(4)

I don't mean do evil - actually behaving in an antisocial manner. I just mean be evil, aesthetically. Remember that dumbass driver on the cell phone that was weaving all over the road and almost killed you the other day - and think about killing them. Not elaborately or seriously, but like a comic book villain. Imagine having titanic powers of telekinesis, and with a mere thought hoist their car into the air and toss it into the river. No, it's not nice - especially if you really extrapolate what that would mean for the driver and their insignificant infraction. But you're being evil, so you don't extrapolate anything. There's the idiot cell phone abusing driver about to cut you off again in your memory, except this time their car goes up then sailing away with a splash. An evil smile spreads across your face in malevolent satisfaction, both in your imagination and in real life. (2)

It doesn't have to be entirely reflective, either. When out on a walk, hunted by sadness and unwilling to be subjected to the chemicals required to be Happy™, being Evil can also work extemporaneously. Say a fierce dog in a fenced-in yard runs up and starts barking at you, imagine surprising it by vaulting over the fence and landing a well-placed kick to its nose and having it run away yelping. (3) Meanwhile, in reality, you just keep walking with an evil smirk on your face instead of just having to put up with the damn dog barking.

Standing in line for too long and starting to get grumpy? Imagine killing or maiming everyone in your way, super powers optional. Treated poorly by some customer service personnel? I recommend imagining turning into something really nasty then imagine killing them. Having difficulty falling asleep? Imagine overthrowing a government that you don't like.

It's just the misanthrope's version of sports, really.

(1) This is not meant to be an instruction of any sort for any being other than myself. The tendencies and cognitive paths described are specific to myself, and should not be seen as suggestive or supportive of this sort of thinking for anyone else.

(2) Again, this is used in a rhetorical manner. By "you" I'm actually referring to the effects I find in myself. Do not be confused if you don't actually have the same reaction; you're not me.

(3) Dammit, do I really need to even put these here? No, hurting an animal isn't something I'd tolerate anyone actually doing. I tend to like animals more than people.

(4) Incidentally, I don't really believe in the notions of "good" or "evil" per se. I'm a relativist in that regard. Yes, I know that this is out of order - I did it to make myself smile.