2007.10.15 "I wish we had twinkies"

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"I wish we had twinkies."

I turn and stare bewildered at the human crouching in the foxhole with me. The possible translations that my communicator has given me all make very little sense. "What?"

The human turns to address me directly. "Twinkies. They're sort of a sweet confectionary cake filled with an even sweeter creamy filling."

"Are you thinking we could lob them at the beings that have us pinned down, causing them to feel more benevolently towards us and letting us slip away?"

The human snorts. "No, you sarcastic lout. I just spontaneously find myself having a strong craving for twinkies, and for some zarking reason, after hours of being stuck here I'm starting to babble my thoughts out loud for my own amusement."

"Do twinkies give humans amazing recuperative powers?" The human doesn't find me or my implied threat funny; I can tell by its measured scowl.

An unpleasant silence returns, but not completely. My ears prick up at the sound of a stealthy footfall, and I swivel them back to triangulate the source.

Suddenly the human is staring past and above me, and turning its body to bring its filament rifle to bear. But it's too late on two counts. The creature aiming a weapon into our foxhole has the drop on the human, and I'm already leaping up and back to intercept. The human rolls quickly, avoiding the blast - maybe the creature saw me pop up just in time to startle its aim. Regardless, it doesn't get another shot off. I yerk the blaster carbine from its grip and yank the creature into the foxhole and pin it down.

It's another human. It briefly squirms, fruitlessly, and I see it starting to subvocalize. That's no good. I snap my jaws into its throat and rip out arrayed circulatory/breathing/eating apparatus - that should quieten it down.

But it doesn't, as my tactical sensors testify - it's communicator is still transmitting meaningfully. Luckily, the sudden appearance of a filament in the temple of the enemy is more effective, and the comm goes quiet.

I look at the human - the living one with the filament rifle. "Do you think it got out anything too revealing?"

"Dunno. I guess we find out the hard way."

For yet another encore, the unpleasant silence does its thing.

After a surge of armed combatants fail to appear, I start searching the inert human for useful items. Blaster carbine - too noisy. Med kit - already got one. Five patches - I set those aside, conspicuously not pocketing them. A canteen - smells like that awful dirty water humans drink. A rations pouch...

I rear myself up more erect than usual. "Is this what I think it is?" I toss the small package towards the human, who catches it with the relative ease of a semi-brachiating being.

The human stared at the package. "It's a zarking twinkie! What are the odds? I wonder if this means something."

"It means you should have wished for a fold space portal out of here."

We laugh our first good laugh in a long while, and resume waiting for fate to remember us.