2004.05.21 Moron Classification

Here is an explanation of my Moros Rata, as a submission for consideration on the MoronControlBoard to assist with quantifying morons.

Class-1: Brain Fart Moron

Incidental type, usually restricted to just a single occurrence of non-Darwinian proportion, and unlikely to be repeated. Sub-types are designated by possible trigger event or circumstance.

Class-2: Pattern Moron

This type of moron is generally high-functioning in most respects, but has one facet of life that causes their brain to turn off. Sub-types are designated by the moron-inducing element. Nominal Class-1 morons that experience a Darwinian event may also be upgraded to be Class-2.

Class-3: Downward Spiral Moron

Generally a transitional type of moron; either a Class-2 that is degrading, or occasionally a Class-4 rehabilitating to be merely Class-2. This intermediate stage is denoted by being able to occasionally accomplish difficult tasks, yet regularly doing something really, really stupid. Sub-types can be designated by an array of trigger conditions, or major obvious handicaps, and by the general trend to either become higher or lower in classification.

Class-4: Loser Moron

This is a moron that usually screws up, but will, on occasion, do something right. Sub-types are classified by the few things they are actually capable of doing with a modicum of acceptability. Nominal Class-5 morons may be downgraded to Class-4 if they accidentally do something really clever at some point.

Class-5: Full-On Moron

These are really, really stupid people. They are incapable of complete conceptualization of anything more complex than peeling a banana, and can be trusted to behave in a manner completely unhindered by information or knowledge. Sub-types are described by their ability to actually interact with the world. It should be noted that this is as stupid as a moron can get; further classifications only describe the potential danger a particular moron represents to the rest of the world.

Class-6: Fucking Moron

Breeder moron, bringing more morons into the world. Sub-types indicate number of moron offspring.

Class-7: Utter Moron

A moron with a really unfortunate ability to convince others to act like morons. Sub-types refer to size of afflicted audience.

Class-8: Brain Dead Moron

This is a full moron that also happens to be controlling a device capable of severely injuring innocent people. All Class-5 morons with cars are automatically upgraded to Class-8. Sub-types are distinguished by the device being abused, or the relative danger of said device.

Class-9: TerranoMoros Rex

These are morons that have the ability to cause moronic things to happen to non-morons, even when the non-morons know about it and resist. Sub-types refer to the type or magnitude of influence the Class-9 moron has.

Class-10: George W. Bush Donald J. Trump

UPDATED 2017.02.05 - I really had no idea that anything could be so much worse than Dubya. Yikes.