3: Insight
My intent is for this divorce to be a waypoint in my life's story. While there's no denying the pain and suffering associated, I also mean to learn from it. And to use what I've learned to chart my direction for more Joy, Wisdom, and Honour. And all the other things I've learned I want and/or need.
No actual fucking clue what any of it might be, just yet. Maybe they'll be profound enough to merit their own chapters. Maybe I'll have to come back to this one to reflect on my weary attempts. Either way, watch this space.
Patience is interconnected with Forgiveness
I waded through my full share of pain, and feelings of jealous and betrayal. But they were all essentially self-inflicted, from a Zen point of view. I worked hard on my Zen, to weather all of it. And the thing that I notice looking back is how much forgiveness and patience were hand-in-hand with my process when things made progress.
Inside myself: when I grasped and held onto a sense of forgiveness, patience would come; and when I just stopped reacting to my feelings to force myself to be patient, forgiveness would flower. But also outside myself: I felt forgiven when was there was patience for my process.
I know what I want
Meeting with one of my mentors, while trying to crystallize how I felt the process of dating has informed my insights on my career, I blurted out that the underlying truth clarifying my choices is that now I have a much better idea of what I want.
My earlier development of focusing on my zen served me well to best savour what life presented, but it did leave me a bit adrift with respect to meeting all my needs. Well, more wants than needs, but definitely some need-like bits mixed in. I'm learning how sadness festers within un-attempted hopes, but is glorious and honourable from worthy attempts. And worthy attempts need direction derived from knowing what you actually want.
Probably more to come...