2022.05.14 Automotive Meta-Analysis

For many years, I've often joked that the vehicle you drive says a lot about you. As much as I hate to ascribe too much merit to stereotypes, and readily agree that general use of stereotypes is a bad thing, there are still clearly messages being sent. These messages need not accurately reflect the owner/driver of a vehicle, but they remain complicit in them nonetheless. Like the clothing we wear, even if we don't intend to have a meta message, it's still like the tag line of a political ad: "I support this message".

==Pickup Trucks Pickup trucks get pinned right the to top of this list because of how much they have been standing out lately on the roads. Because, regardless of what other meta-messages the various ilks of pickup truck might suggest, there is an underlying implicit threat whenever we see a pickup truck on a public road: that they are going to be a massively dangerous idiot of an asshole with even the slightest provocation.

I'm not sure why this is, exactly. Maybe it's because while trucks are the most utilitarian vehicle for hauling loads, they are the absolute worst at everything else, and to expect them to dance in traffic with more capable vehicles is a baseline of aggressive stupidity.

===Rugged Work Truck A simple truck loaded with tools and/or materials says "I've got shit to get done". It also says, "I'm not intelligent enough to do something easier."

===Luxury Barge With A Bed "I want you to think that I am capable of doing hard work."

===Lifted Bro Truck "I have a lot to prove, but I lack the means to recognize how or why."

==Exotic Sports Cars These are the natural reserve of rich assholes. They can be gorgeous embodiments of a love of aesthetics and function. But, in reality, they're really just extra-embarrassing to do something stupid in.

===Ferrari / Lamborghini / Maserati / McLaren "Look at me! But overlook my lack of personality by fixating on my overbearing willingness to waste resources."

===Porsche "Look at me! I'm rich enough, and pay attention when I read car magazines!"

==Minivans When I was coming of age, minivans were the default for Boomers wildly averse to getting practical but good-handling station wagons, whose only real benefits were functionality for humans. They say, to my gen-X generation and the Boomers who came before us, "I have utterly succumbed to my wretchedness."

Ironically, having briefly tasted the nectar of a good minivan, I can see now how that functionality is rarified utility for a family, and with handling dynamics at least no worse than any SUV or CUV.

==Regular Sports Cars This is the realm of Mustangs, Corvettes, Miatas, and other fun-to-drive but generally useless vehicles... that have been the focus of most of my car attention for much of my adult life. This intensity is probably why this section has so much more nuance, in my opinion.

But, to simplify, all these vehicles say variations of the same thing: "Don'f follow me, I do stupid things."

==Sport Utility Vehicles Be it a Toyota Forerunner, or a Chevy Tahoe, driving one of these has an overwhelming announcement "I have no idea what I want to do with a vehicle, but whatever it is I want to do it poorly."

==Luxury Brands

==Crossover Utility Vehicles

==shitboxes