2015.02.07 Portland International Auto Show

After a year hiatus, I returned to the PIAS.

This year it was a bit aimless, overall. The original focus of going to these shows was to fantasize about exotic cars, as well as to scheme about future aspirations. Then there was a phase of snobbish deigning to review those vehicles that amused an elite Porsche 911 owner such as myself. After the Porsche had to be sold, the heart fell out of the endeavour. So the only real expectation this year was to revel in car-nerd-ness.

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Silly Money

This class of cars are ones that are simply out of my reach by any reasonable extrapolation - and I just like them because they're pretty. I didn't use the word "exotic", because that's too shifting a designation in my mind. As I like to say, my E36 3-series BMW was functionally an exotic in my home town. And there were many other exotics not explicitly photographed, due to a combination of sensory overload and not meeting my vague aesthetic qualifications.

Also worth mentioning is the vaaaaast number of prosaic vehicles I didn't bother capturing reflected photons off of.

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OK, Fine: that's cute, MINI

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Ford Focus Futures

Coming soon Ford is giving North America the latest Focus RS. That means the 4-cylinder Ecoboost with something like 240 kW and a clever all-wheel-drive system. In a car that is known to have a "fun" chassis. It's very intriguing.

It's more than "intriguing" to Colin. If you look closely through the windshield, you get a better sense of his thoughts.

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Hoonigan

Speaking of Fords, it was cool to see one of Ken Block's Hoon-class monster Fiestas. I never really appreciated just how small they are in the Gymkhana videos.

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Viper

I'm sad that the Viper is struggling. It's not surprising, in context of the new C7 Stingray Corvette, or all the European goodness distracting that market. I'd sure never buy one. But I still like them. A combination of pure sports car and big fat middle finger to the whole world - it speaks to me.

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Classy

Two cars that couldn't be more different, right? And yet both brimming with that certain je ne sais quoi that marks them clearly as great examples of classic sports car archetypes. One is distinguished in its simple combination of form an function, and the other is part of collector car nobility.

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Porsches

DAYUM but the 911 Turbo still levers my soul open with lust like no other car. And the Cayman GTS hurts me with its taunting attainability. I would curse them for both failing my need for hauling the whole family, but I love them too much.

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BMW i8

This car was clearly the pinnacle of the show. All the nosebleed-priced exotics look a bit stodgy in contrast. It simply exists in a different axis. The Ferraris and Lamborghinis and that ilk are all combinations of art and accounting - how pretty can we make something with the best possible numbers? And that's great. It has been great. But it's been done, for a long while now.

The i8, meanwhile, is the condensation of engineering prognostication. It could have been made crazy, like the Porsche 918 or McLaren P1 or Ferrari LaFerrari (none of which is likely to ever be seen in PDX), but I'm glad it wasn't. It would have blurred the clarity of the vision - of trying to look at how to build Ultimate Driving Machines in the future.

Kudos, BMW.

Also fantastic: the i3. I didn't include pictures of it here, because they don't do it justice. It's not as pretty outside, and the inside defies visual capture. It is bright and clean feeling, like a fresh beginning. I might need to drive one, just because.

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CONTENDERS

Alas, it turns out that my automotive ambition is hard to repress. Which brings us to vehicles that qualify as candidates for my yet-to-be-approved-budget high-performance family car. Because Clayton wants something to tickle my Stupid Grin Driving Glee Factor on a regular basis, and it needs to haul 4 humans. Actually, it needs to haul 4 humans well, as in capable of road trips.

This is a list of what was at the PIAS. Some candidates are obviously missing - most notably the nominal lead-contender: the Tesla Model S.

Mercedes E63 AMG WAGON

I like big butts wagons and I cannot lie. This would rock the family-moving category. And has OMAHGERD power. But would it be nimble enough? Testing required.

Maserati Ghibli

Hey look: a family Ferrari. That can almost be afforded. Screamy motor 4-door clearly qualifies.

Sadly, I would probably need to suffer some major head trauma to be able to shake the sense of radiating POSEUR metaphorically. So: probably NOPE.

BMW M4

This would have been the Clayton Classic™ pick. Just stuff the extra people in the back seats and let them make the best of it. I'm not sure that would actually fly, though.

And why the fuck is it barf-coloured? Is that why Colin looks so perturbed?

BMW M3

Hoo-Ah. The slightly-narrower body with flared fenders to cover the same track width as the M4 - it just looks good. The full 4 doors distinguishes it nicely, too. And it felt right sitting in it.

At least, the first time. I ended up going back to the auto show, this time with Simon. We bopped around, letting him crawl around everything, and generally easing him into being a car-nerd (as is his birthright). Eventually we got around to the M3 again, and we both got in - and closed the doors.

It was a nearly spiritual experience. Simon quietly BEAMED with joy in the car, which would probably sell cars a lot better than booth babes. And we shared a moment, imagining how good it could be. And I could feel the car wanting to talk to me.

Testing definitely required.

Simon sat in pretty much everything, and seemed to love every minute of it.