2005.07.31 Missing S
It's starting to sink in...
"It" being a couple things, actually. I really am doing a new job, and S really is living in Wyoming for a year. I mean, I knew it intellectually immediately - hell, there was quite a lot of anticipation for both. But the reality of living these things has only just gotten around to unpacking its socks and its toothbrush, if you know what I mean. Yeah, the whole situation is settling itself in with a resolution that is quite adamant that I'm not going to wake up at any moment.
S, too, seems like she's experiencing similar realizations of the minutae of our current existence. I feel awkward, because my primary multi-purpose tool for relationship support is a simple loyalty, and that works mostly by me being there. Being there is so humblingly important, in so many ways. It's more than just physical presence, which is nice by itself, but it's also a dedication of time and effort which speaks with resonating assurance. It is the most fundamental expression of aligned wills and understanding.
The so-called minutae of my current existence involves daily excitement at my new dream job, learning wondrous new things, and a pleasant calm settling into the RoosT. But all of this just feels like a set that I playact in, and the real stage on which it all depends is my relationship with S.
She should be sleeping right now, though when I cast my thoughts across the continent to visualize her in her bed with her fuzzy cat, I find that I suspect she's awake still and obsessing about her first day of internship tomorrow. When you wake and finally read this, my love, I want you to know that I'm right there with you - as much as I can.