2016.05.04 "We have to go back."

"We have to go back."

I savour both the heady fumes coming off my Volcanic™ and my Orbodun partner's disquiet. It's the little things that help string the moments together with poetry.

"You did this on purpose."

It's actually a bit difficult to tip back my drink crucible when I'm trying not to smile too much. The poisonous solvent sears my throat and the pain strums a chord of memory, centering me. I wipe my muzzle on the un-spikey part of my forearm, causing only mild burns, and return the emptied crucible to the countertop with a distinctive kTINK!

Now I tilt my head to regard the giant unhappy ursine. "You don't really think so."

He opens his mouth to reply, but then catches himself with a thought. "Which one?"

Before I can answer, he pre-empts my smugness with a gesture of his huge paw. "You meant both. You always do that."

"Only when I can."

"Yeah, well, this time you're wrong. We do have to go back so I can modify a new weapon. And I do have serious suspicions that you were considering this eventuality when we were getting the weapons modified in the first place."

It takes me a moment to think of something un-snarky enough to say so that we don't start attracting too much attention. It's been nice just being regular old scary guys in a decent bar, instead of triggering evacuations or being locked out preemptively. "I might have some talent with tactics, and some occasional strategic insights. But honestly, I just had my regular weapons modified because of the simple reason I stated at the time - I didn't want my big sword to be able to run away on its own."

From the depths of his beady black eyes, it is clear that this is not have much effect. "Fine. But I'm still without any way to sense Missionaries at all, so I want to go back and get... you know - IT - able to blend with something more subtle. Like what you've got."

A tentacle from the oddly-coloured bartender slips above the counter and retrieves my empty crucible. It lingers to regard me, and I shake my head. I've been poisoned enough for now.

"Let's just think about that for a bit. You're saying that you want to be able to know when a Missionary is near when you have very little chance of defending yourself against it?"

"Isn't that what you're doing?"

I shrug. "It's ended up that way. And it also means that what little weapons I do carry right now have a non-trivial chance of running away if a Missionary actually does show up."

"But at least you'll know."

I'm not sure that will be as great a comfort as perhaps he's assuming. "I'll be sure to let you know too."

"But what if we're not together? That's exactly my point! It means I have to hang around you all the damn time or be oblivious."

"I'm not sure that a Missionary would bother you if you were by yourself."

He glowers at me with curdled annoyance. "Don't be such a zarking asshole."

Shit, need to repair. I spread my hands wide to gesture appeasement. "I don't think they'd bother with me by myself either."

He's still angry, but his fundamentally civilized nature makes him try to reign himself in. "Fine. Whatever. I don't see why we can't just go back to that über-technician and have her make a new piece of kit for me to house the mini-Mizzie."

My snout wrinkles as I consider how to express my misgivings. "I have a feeling in my gut that there's a big Missionary waiting for us there."

"What? Well, if there is, we'll sense it and stay the zark away."

"Yeah, no. I'm afraid that it knows how the mutual sensing works, and that it would have laid a trap for us."

My partner looks crestfallen. "Shit. Why wouldn't it have just chased us down?"

It's kind of embarrassing to have so much based on just gut feelings. "I think that really big Missionaries have a hard time sensing other Missionaries, which puts them at risk from moderately-powerful Missionaries anticipating their actions. So I think they only move carefully and deliberately - and instead of chasing prey they set out traps."

A tiny fuzzy head pops up and announces loudly, "Holy shit! This is the absolute best conversation I've ever eavesdropped on! You're fighting with fuckin' Missionaries?! What the fuck are you guys going to do?"

I'm still waiting to land from my knee-jerk reaction to jump away while my partner rolls back from his stool and snaps up his comically slender laser rifle. The Takolee throws its hands up. "Oh shit! Sorry! Sorry! I just got too caught up in the conversation and forgot that I was hidden."

My partner flickers a query up on our shared battlewiki: "You didn't sense this thing?"

"No." The phantom taste of a Takolee dying in my fangs is how my instinctive aggression complains about my efforts to restrain myself. It's not going well in my head, and I have to sink my talons into an innocent chair to help vent my surplus of readied violence. My jaws remain clenched, to prevent myself from giving into vocal histrionics as well.

"It's really stupid to startle my spiny friend." The Orbodun is really just fundamentally more composed than I am sometimes. I can learn a lot from him.

The Takolee aims one of its twitchy glances at me. "Yes. He is very frightening. Of course, he is not actually pointing a weapon at me right now, as you are doing."

The big fluffy head tilts to indicate philosophical intrigue. "Yes, but I will only shoot you if there appears to be some overt reason to do so. Whereas I'm still not entirely certain if my friend isn't going to kill everyone in the bar with his bare hands just to warm up for killing you."

"His hands aren't really bare; they have pointy bits." The Takolee is infuriatingly nonplussed. Meanwhile, a majority of the patrons in the bar seem to be eyeing me warily.

A random patron pipes up. "Are you talking shit, or is he a lunatic?"

"He's a Massetin. They don't have fight-or-flight responses; they have fight-or-fight responses. And then, after they calm down, they have to hunt and kill things to remain calm."

"Bullshit. Threatening the whole bar is just shit-talk. Back the zark down or we'll put you down for disturbing our pleasant drinking time."

It's idiotic, but I find the banter pleasantly relaxing. I can hardly wait to hear what the Orbodun will say next.

"I'm pretty sure I could take most of you simultaneously, with you dying first of course. And I am utterly certain that the Massetin can kick my ass, because he already did so once. So, yeah, I'd recommend turning your drinking time into shutting the fuck up time."

The patron is a professional combatant - it's obvious from his well-earned confidence, but not a seasoned one - obvious from his inability to accurately fathom the capabilities in play. He's battle-ready while appearing relaxed. "That's a bold claim from a being that hasn't even looked at me."

"I have a feeling that if I look away from this Takolee, it's going to disappear. And I'm thinking that might be the biggest risk in the place right now - for me."

The Takolee gives a big buck-toothed grin. Yeah, I definitely want to eat it. Smug little jerk. Oh, maybe he also saw that all the other guys at that table also got their weapons ready?

"Look, this is all my fault." The Takolee jumps up to better address the other patrons. "You guys don't need to die foolishly for accidentally being near these two monsters when they got startled." His look is suddenly extremely penetrating, and I am impressed by the intensity. "And I've looked at you. You, and your friends, don't have even the slightest chance if you give them an excuse to demonstrate their abilities."

The bold patron is profoundly affected by this.

"I would suggest you leave, but calmly. It might make you fun to chase if you run. Don't run." It glances over at me, then looks back at them with a hilariously honest expression. With a stage whisper: "...But if you could see what I can see, you'd probably be running away."

The Takolee looks back at the Orbodun. "And I'm not going to disappear. I really want to talk with you guys."

My heart is still drumming, but I'm doing a lot better. I stalk back to my recently-evacuated seat, dragging my shreds of dignity. But I don't sit. "I'm not used to being sneaked up on. You're very good."

The Orbodun glances at me. "We OK?"

I nod. "Yeah. But let's have the rest of this conversation as we move."

"Where are we going?"

"Well, first to find my force blade and my blaster. The little shits ran for it when I got startled. Then perhaps back to the human techie to un-do that."

Orboduns are loud when they laugh. The Takolee joins us as we go.